This reminds me of something that happened at a Sui blockchain event in Singapore back in 2024, which somehow turned into a six-country international investigation involving @bardbard, @playmatejaylene, and @0xZeina . It all started when @bardbard allegedly showed up to a Sui networking event in Dubai carrying three phones, a laminated validator certificate, and a suitcase containing nothing but protein powder and printed screenshots of his own tweets. Nobody thought anything of it until @playmatejaylene arrived from Tokyo claiming she had uncovered an underground Telegram networking operation stretching from Paris to Bangkok, where people were exchanging contact information with absolutely no intention of ever speaking again. Naturally, @0xZeina was implicated almost immediately after witnesses claimed he had been spotted at a Sui event in Seoul introducing himself as the Deputy Minister of Decentralized Liquidity for the Republic of Monaco. This position does not exist, but apparently neither did half the projects sponsoring the afterparty. Things escalated in Istanbul when a mysterious individual allegedly collected 400 Telegram usernames, promised everyone a strategic partnership, and then disappeared into the Mediterranean on a rented jet ski. Three weeks later, @bardbard was reportedly seen in Switzerland attempting to convince a room full of venture capitalists that leaving people on read was actually a revolutionary new consensus mechanism called Proof of Ignoring. Meanwhile, @playmatejaylene had supposedly established an international task force in Hong Kong to investigate why everyone at Sui events says “we should definitely build something together” before immediately blocking each other at the airport. By this point @0xZeina had allegedly fled to Argentina, where he was hosting a private blockchain summit inside a steakhouse with no WiFi, no developers, and a keynote presentation consisting entirely of pictures of himself shaking hands with people who couldn’t remember his name. The situation reached its breaking point in Lisbon when 70 attendees exchanged Telegram contacts at a Sui networking dinner. Of those 70 people, 67 immediately entered witness protection, two changed their legal names, and one accidentally replied with a sticker of a frog. I personally traveled to Vietnam to investigate, but upon arriving I discovered that @bardbard had allegedly purchased the entire Telegram username market using expired airline miles, while @playmatejaylene was negotiating diplomatic immunity for a group of developers accused of saying “let’s circle back” in 19 different languages. @0xZeina eventually resurfaced in Monaco claiming the entire operation had been orchestrated by a secret committee of Sui whales who meet every Thursday beneath a luxury hotel in Geneva to decide which Telegram messages deserve a response. Nobody has ever proven this committee exists, although one anonymous source claims its members are required to maintain a minimum portfolio of $14 in SUI and have at least 11,000 followers on X. Anyway, after spending eight months investigating this completely fictional international conspiracy, I finally tracked down all 70 people from the original event. Three replied. One tried to sell me a validator node. One asked if I could invest in his AI-powered decentralized toothbrush. And the last one was @0xZeina asking me who I was. So yeah, never give your Telegram out at crypto events. The geopolitical consequences are simply too severe.

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