You ever notice that people who date your exes think you hate them lmao like relax idc it’s your time to suffer

If I send you 3 messages on 3 different topics, don't just reply to 1? this isn't a multiple choice question?? do I look like a fucking exam

Small boobs? That’s why your heart gets broken easily, no air bags to support your emotions babygirl

the icarly episode when they broke into their teacher’s house and find out she has a whole ass room dedicated to randy jackson. like what?? who tf wrote that??

You just woke up and you and the family dog have switched bodies your last saved meme is your reaction.

Don't text your ex Also you know that person who isn't your ex but was still important to you and hard to get over? Don't text them either

omfg i HATE when kids scream in public... u have no real problems. it should be me screaming. ME

IF 👏🏼 YOUR 👏🏼 WOMAN 👏🏼 LIKES 👏🏼 BEING 👏🏼 CHOKED 👏🏼 DURING 👏🏼 SEX 👏🏼 YOU'RE 👏🏼 SUPPOSED 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 SQUEEZE 👏🏼 THE 👏🏼 SIDES 👏🏼 OF 👏🏼 HER 👏🏼 NECK 👏🏼 WITH 👏🏼 YOUR 👏🏼 FINGERS 👏🏼 NOT 👏🏼 CRUSH 👏🏼 HER 👏🏼 WINDPIPE 👏🏼 WITH 👏🏼 YOUR 👏🏼 PALM 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 IDIOT 👏🏼

Girls will have a panic attack over a pimple but hit a curb at 60 mph & say “whoops”

2019 basically said: "BUT DID YOU DIE THO?"

i think everyone has a scar on their body from something dumb they did as a child and it’s actually hilarious

ok so do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs???

ARE YOU A HUMAN CAT? - naps all the time - always wants snacks - might want to kill everyone - needs to be loved - done with everyone’s shit - cute but will fight

this girl DMed me and asked what my zodiac sign was and i bullshitted her and told her i was a scorpio and she was like “omg i can totally tell hahaha” and i was like “jk bitch i’m a gemini” and she was like “that’s totally a gemini move lol” smh..

The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil lmao

Why are girls afraid of wearing heels and being taller than guys? NO. you wear those heels that you love and pet his head like he's your son

$100 to any girl whose middle name isn’t: - Marie - Faith - Nicole - Lynn - Kate - Michelle - Grace - Rose - Jane - Elizabeth

Remember how in the third twilight book Edward and Bella couldn’t have sex because Edward was afraid he would screw her to death and she was willing to DIE for the dick

IDK WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS, BUT... Stay single until you're appreciated