69 Cent 🪽❤️

Whoever believes that nothing is real without a whitepaper behind it should go buy any random altcoin, whose whitepaper was written the weekend before launch and has never been read again by anyone, including the author. Whoever believes that belief requires a roadmap and a quarterly update should go buy into a SPAC, whose roadmap is subject to change, mostly in the direction of zero. Whoever believes that value has to be spelled out as 'utility' in a pitch deck should go buy a 'utility' token, whose 'utility' will be determined at a later date. Whoever believes that nothing counts unless it comes wrapped in an ETF should go buy a spot Bitcoin ETF, which offers all of the exposure, none of the self-custody and the original point removed. Whoever believes that the halving can do the believing for them should go take a technical analysis course and learn to read tea leaves with candlesticks. Whoever believes that conviction has to start with a billionaire's tweet should go buy Dogecoin, whose conviction is subject entirely to one man's mood and sleep schedule. Whoever believes that nothing is real until a VC's name is on the cap table should go buy a Series A token unlock, which is timed generously for everyone except you. Whoever believes that safety comes from a Discord full of moderators should go buy a gaming token, which is moderated diligently until the EL clears. Whoever believes that nothing deserves to be taken seriously until someone calls it a 'real world asset' should go buy a tokenized treasury bill, which offers all the excitement of a treasury bill and none of the point of tokenizing it. Whoever believes that solid ground only exists where a stablecoin's peg holds it there should go buy into a yield farm, where the ground is guaranteed until it very publicly isn't. Whoever believes that value is somehow 'discovered' rather than agreed upon should go buy gold, which is mined at great expense so that it can sit in a vault and do absolutely nothing. Whoever believes that conviction requires a CEO's face standing behind it should go buy a blue-chip stock so there's someone photogenic to thank later. Whoever believes that safety only exists with the Federal Reserve's blessing should go buy an S&P 500 index fund and enjoy sweet dreams about a mechanism that nobody in the fund actually understands. Whoever believes that nothing counts as believable without FDIC insurance behind it should go open a savings account, which currently earns less than inflation but is, at least, very much insured. Whoever believes that a promise isn't real until a credit rating says so should go buy a bond fund, which is rated by the same agencies that rated mortgage debt triple-A in 2007. Whoever believes that an idea only matters once a think tank publishes a paper about it should go wait for the paper, and then wait for the next one. Whoever believes that safety comes from owning two hundred tickers at once should go buy a target-date retirement fund, which manages to very effectively diversify everything into a collective shrug. Whoever believes that permission has to come from a finance YouTuber with a thumbnail of himself pointing at a chart with his mouth open should go subscribe to his channel and borrow the confidence of a man who is wrong loudly and often. Whoever believes that the future isn't real until a pension board approves of it should go take a 401(k) match, which vests in four years, assuming the company still exists by then. Whoever believes that nothing is real until it arrives as a printed statement in the mail should go open a brokerage account, which sends quarterly proof that paper = sincerity. Whoever believes that the future has to be forecast by an economist before anyone's allowed to believe in it should go read the forecast and then read the one from last year. But whoever believes otherwise, should join SPX6900.