@802beertender

I’d rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Beer tastes better when someone else pours it.

 Vermont
Joined August 2013
  • Tweets16.7K
  • Following442
  • Followers797
843Media
Rookie move. HOA presidents are games. The Evil flavors the meat. Eat the Vice President, they don’t do any work, they are soft and fatty
Flat Ranger - UT
@UtahFlatRanger11h
My emergency plan for SHTF/Societal breakdown or any natural disaster is to immediately eat the HOA president.
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That’s why they do it. It’s the modern version of the left ear piercing or a handkerchief in the back pocket
Doinks The Frog
@DoinksTheFrog22h
The Jeep ducks thing is so gay
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It’s beautiful this year
Maggie Rogers@maggieerogersOct 25
I am so leaf-pilled this autumn it’s crazy. I’m driving around New England with my mouth agape
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Make arm garters fashionable again
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Beer Me retweeted
julia
@juumelo_Oct 24
beer only damages the liver of those who are evil and wicked. if you have a kind soul alcohol cannot harm you
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Beer Me retweeted
Possy
@TURBOPOSSUMOct 24
> Go to work > Pay for life insurance > Maintain a second vehicle > Sleep on a bed > Constantly un-plug drains for some reason > re-tile a floor bc the old tile was icky > Wipe my ass with “all natural” toilet paper > Share a bathroom with someone that needs more shit than a toothbrush and a bar of soap > small appliance repair > check the garage at 2am in my underwear when I know it was the wind > “oops I think I shouldn’t have clicked on that” > etc
Michele
@michellmybell1Oct 24
Can you men give me a list of things men typically do in a marriage that they don’t want to do?
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Forget the 12-foot skeletons. This was peak Halloween decor in the 90s.
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Whoa whoa whoa, who said anything about enjoying anything? Nobody has that kind of money. We are supposed to enjoy shit?
Reese
@ReeseforsureOct 24
Let me get this straight…..you’re supposed to save save save just to survive when you’re old So the goal is simply survival in this scenario. When are you supposed to enjoy anything
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And to deal with kids, and family, and friends, and my bills, and because football is on, and then because football isn’t on
Big Daddy
@_B1G_D4DDYOct 24
Not an alcoholic, just need to drink to feel good.
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You’re now qualified to become a Bartender
Ammargarita🍸🇺🇸@annmargarita72Oct 24
Ive come to the conclusion that I really dont like too many people
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Over/under on how many outfit changes they went through before they left the house?
Ilhan Omar
@IlhanMNOct 23
Less scrolling, more strolling. Enjoying our beautiful Minnesota lakes. 🥰
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Go all the way. Send them AMWAY
Connor Daley@ConnorDaleyVTOct 24
To those who seek to create positive change in Cuba - now is the time. For a limited time only, you too can be your own boss and take control of your life. Hosting a Tupperware Party is a great way to meet neighbors and show them the magic of-
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This is the literal worst thought out idea of all time
Polymarket
@PolymarketOct 23
JUST IN: Airbnb hosts threaten to strike after the company bans them from forcing guests to wash dishes, strip beds, or take out trash before checkout.
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so how’s a Dyson Sphere actually supposed to work. “we build a big machine around the sun and suck up all its energy” ok great how. is this just going to be us boiling water again
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I went to this guys church a couple times in Greenville. Google “Ron carpenter redemption world outreach center lawsuit” and you’ll see how accurate this costume is. What a con man
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My Claude found a critical zero day vulnerability in the Code of Hammurabi, unnoticed by developers for 3,779 years.
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I thought Batman & Robin was cheesy even when I was a kid. That’s nothing compared to how awful it is to rewatch now. An objectively terrible movie. How do you remember it? The future governor of the 8th largest economy in the world was in this movie?
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I knew the Creator incentives were significant, but eye popping largesse like this is unheard of
LIZZY💥
@LizzyStarrrdustOct 23
Livin that 2-ply life 💅🏻
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Well the first one that pops into my head began with “Smear..”
Travis
@Travis1Oct 23
Name a game you played at recess every single day that would get banned at any school today.
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I’m offering a $10,000 reward if the hackers who are now in possession of my medical data can use that data and their skills to come up with a cure for my chronic illness. Payment will be issued after 1 year symptom free. Get to work fellas
Andrew Curran
@AndrewCurran_Oct 23
Quest Diagnostics has been hacked. Patient data was exposed. They serve roughly half of U.S. hospitals and physicians. Investigation ongoing.
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