@Alanascottish

don’t follow me snowflakes, ain’t got time for fools.

Joined December 2017
  • Tweets96.8K
  • Following11.8K
  • Followers15.7K
32.9KMedia
Looking at my calendar and I was like wtf? Half head I never do anything in halves 😂
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Ice scream 😱 😂
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How I feel today.
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Yep 👍🏿
Scotland's Stories - Graeme@StoryScotlandOct 25
We don't carve pumpkins in Scotland, we carve neeps (turnips)!* I think they look far scarier and that's what they're for, to ward off bad spirits, keeping us safe with their light. *of course people do carve pumpkins too, but this is the real tradition.
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😂
Jordanreviewsittt
@jordanreviewsitOct 24
Jesus how long does it take you guys to eat
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Experience the thrill of being a local vet at home by putting your cat on the bathroom scales for two minutes and charging yourself £100.
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Very blowy out 😂 😝
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MORNING EVERYONE
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Oh you fucker I feel like this lodge may end up in the Cromarty firth. It’s blowing a hoolie and proper pissin it down. Looking forward to getting home. 😢
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This will set me up.
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Calm before the storm ⛈️ ffs 🤦‍♀️
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Morning everyone have a great Saturday xx
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DON'T FORGET THE "CLOCKS" GO BACK THIS WEEKEND
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The clocks go back tonight. I’m setting mine to 1940 when this country had some fucking balls.
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My local Chinese restaurant got hit with a £10,000 electricity bill. They said they can't turn off all the lights, but they do dim sum.
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Thought this was someone in a dog costume at first
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Only I can have a MRI and need a shit. Ffs 🤦‍♀️ that was the longest 30 minutes ever.
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Job Vacancy As it's just over 2 months to Christmas, I am looking for an experienced shoplifter. Must be reliable and able to follow instructions. Minimum 2 years’ experience. Pay negotiable but based on results. Needs to be able to start immediately.
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Must specialise in meat joints, Lurpak, aftershaves, perfumes, and designer and electrical goods. No time wasters 🙏🏼 😆😆😆
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