Asher Lake - Spicy Story Writer

Something I wish more men understood when looking for a professional Dominatrix online: Being asked to pay upfront isn’t a red flag. Professional Dommes deserve to be compensated for their time and nobody owes you free sessions or endless conversation. But you should also be able to establish what you’re actually paying for. Does she have an established presence? A website or profile explaining her services? Clear rates? Reviews or references? Is there an opportunity to discuss your interests, limits and expectations before committing to a session or arrangement? Not every legitimate Domme will have all of these things, and an online only Domme is no less legitimate than someone who offers in person sessions. The point is that you should be able to make an informed decision. A woman demanding money doesn’t automatically make her a scammer. But calling herself a Dominatrix doesn’t automatically make her experienced, either. Do your research. Ask reasonable questions. Respect her time. And remember that being submissive doesn’t mean surrendering your common sense.

Some of the most assertive, accomplished men I've encountered have also been deeply submissive. I think people struggle with that because they assume submission is something that happens to weak men. Sometimes it's a deliberate choice made by a man who spends the rest of his life being in charge.

Something I’ve noticed about the findom community on here is how offended some women get by the suggestion that a submissive’s experience actually matters. I keep seeing “I don’t cater to male fantasies” and “I’m just here to be worshipped.” But this is quite literally sex work. No matter how you dress it up, men are participating because they find these dynamics sexually gratifying. Even being financially exploited can be part of the fantasy. Why does acknowledging that there’s another human being involved feel like such a threat to your authority? You can be dominant, have boundaries and make the entire dynamic revolve around your desires without genuinely disregarding the person submitting to you. I’ll call out shitty behavior from men and I’ll call it out from women too. That doesn’t make me a "pick me." I also don’t believe being a Domme makes anyone immune to criticism and I certainly don’t believe treating subs like human beings makes someone less dominant. The fantasy is one thing. How you actually treat people is another.

I'm starting to think some women use being a Domme as an excuse to act out their genuine resentment toward men. There's a difference between consensually humiliating a man because you both get off on it and actually having contempt for the people who submit to you. Your submissives are still human beings. If you can't separate the two, that's a problem!