Earlier today: Me (half kidding): I just heard a loud thud. Will you check to see if Matteo’s grandma is out front? 20 yr old, looking outside: She’s sitting in your car. Me: Haha no she’s not. What was the thud? 20: No, she really is. I’ll go get her and take her home.

For years, the sisterhood used corporate shaming labels and "misogynist checks" to turn the gym floor into an absolute dictatorship. They wanted to squeeze into spray-painted dental floss shorts that go entirely up their crack, force their anatomy into every man’s field of vision, but retain the legal right to destroy a regular guy's reputation if he looked up from his bench press. Now it’s called out, so they’re facing total, freezing silence at the squat rack, their dopamine receptors are starving, and they are begging men to come back to the store front because their only valuable product will be ignored.