Atopical (@Atopicaljokes) header
Atopical (@Atopicaljokes) profile picture

Atopical

@Atopicaljokes

Couple of desperate comics trying anything to get a writing gig on late night. @jesuzreed @samcoryrose

 Brooklyn, NY
Joined June 2018
  • Tweets273
  • Following671
  • Followers961
COVID-19 is probably the least gross thing someone has caught at Mar a Lago
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As long as the roaches weren't scooping out the inside of the bagel, I don't really see a problem.
New York Post (@nypost) profile pictureNew York Post
@nypost18 Sep 2019
Soho tenant claims roaches swarmed her bagel: lawsuit trib.al/rnSIyh5
Image from New York Post (@nypost)
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I mean, we've all been there.
AP Oddities (@AP_Oddities) profile pictureAP Oddities
@AP_Oddities18 Sep 2019
Burning love: Nebraska police say a 19-year-old woman sparked an apartment fire by using a butane torch to burn love letters from her ex in her bedroom. apne.ws/6dxuCCf #odd
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God to the Maccabees
Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) profile pictureDonald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump15 Sep 2019
PLENTY OF OIL!
*cocaine sniff* "Let's do it again, but this time, I'm holding this beautiful phone. It's really an amazing, beautiful phone. Many, many people are saying it."
Team Trump (Text TRUMP to 88022) (@TeamTrump) profile pictureTeam Trump (Text TRUMP to 88022)
@TeamTrump14 Sep 2019
President @realDonaldTrump is ALWAYS working hard for America! 🇺🇸
Image from Team Trump (Text TRUMP to 88022) (@TeamTrump)
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Of course he thinks 94 is a “high and very beautiful number” it’s his IQ.
Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) profile pictureDonald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump14 Sep 2019
94% Approval Rating in the Republican Party! Tuesday night in the Great State of North Carolina proved that high and very beautiful number correct.
Yes, make sure the record player is on, but if it isn’t a rare Japanese pressing of a Smiths album, don’t fucking bother.
Bloomberg (@business) profile pictureBloomberg
@business13 Sep 2019
Joe Biden at the #DemDebate suggests low-income families could use a radio or “record player” to help their children hear more words bloom.bg/34KLHWu

Biden Says Low-Income Parents Need Government's Help

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The Catholic Church is wild bc they got away with sex crimes for so long and their music isn’t even that good
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48
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Every year dozens of young men's chances of having sex are killed by playing bass guitar. Hey Mike! Heck yes, we're going to take your BASS GUITAR.
Ambassador Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) profile pictureAmbassador Mike Huckabee
@GovMikeHuckabee14 Sep 2019
Dozens are killed every year on skateboards. Thousands injured. Hey Beto! Heck yes, we're going to take your SKATEBOARD!
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I'm confused.
Image from Atopical (@Atopicaljokes)
A new species of electric eel has been discovered, but researches say it will still be a few years before it's compatible with the iPhone.
Stand up against fascism Vape
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A delivery man stole $90,000 worth of fancy cakes, according to a recent lawsuit, which in New York is like 2.5 cakes. gothamist.com/food/cake-cape… via @gothamist

Man Steals $90,000 In Fancy Cakes, According to Lawsuit

Lady M Confections has accused a former employee of stealing over 1,000 cakes in four months.

gothamist.com
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Can’t wait for his mustache to pick up oil painting during its retirement
The New York Times (@nytimes) profile pictureThe New York Times
@nytimes10 Sep 2019
Breaking News: President Trump fired John R. Bolton, his third national security adviser, over differing approaches on Iran, North Korea and Afghanistan. nyti.ms/2ULVQxD

Trump Ousts John Bolton as National Security Adviser (Published 2019)

President Trump had complained privately in recent months that Mr. Bolton was too hawkish, a tension made worse in recent weeks over Iran and North Korea.

nytimes.com
Apparently period tracking apps are selling data to Facebook. Talk about blood money.
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#GunSafetyPresident hold my beer nytimes.com/2019/09/04/us/sa…
San Francisco Declares the N.R.A. a ‘Domestic Terrorist Organization’ (Published 2019)

San Francisco Declares the N.R.A. a ‘Domestic Terrorist Organization’ (Published 2019)

The city’s lawmakers unanimously passed the resolution in response to recent mass shootings. The National Rifle Association called it a worthless “sound-bite remedy.”

nytimes.com
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Millenials: we're drowning in college debt The Fed: uh.. yeah. We're gonna introduce negative interest rates so... you're also gonna wanna start putting A LOT more aside for retirement k? Thanks bud
Cool, ask Afghanistan how that worked out for them.
CNN International (@cnni) profile pictureCNN International
@cnni8 Sep 2019
Protesters in Hong Kong wave US flags as they march on the US Consulate to call for help from the Trump administration in ending a three-month stand off with the government. cnn.it/2klMdrX
Image from CNN International (@cnni)
us after seeing #NIRGER 🤞please not Tom Hanks 🤞please not Tom Hanks 🤞please not Tom Hanks
White supremacist has never not been offensive @SteveKingIA, unlike douche bag, for example.
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