Austen Anderson

I don't think I'll ever need another gif again. This one covers the full range of my communication needs. #MagicTheGathering #puppets

I’m turning 35 in a couple weeks, and still waiting for something that’s greater than golf with a gator.

The absolute genius of this being a perfect show to watch while blazed out of your gourd.

For a moment I thought this was real. And in that moment, I soared.

It's a revolution but nobody brought enough orange slices and I'm tired now.

Well another Christmas has past, and it looks like once again those three spirits weren't able to convince Mitch McConnell to amend his ways.

Royalty free music is awesome. I just found a jazz song called "The Late Train," that's a total rip-off of "Little Brown Jug" I just want to say: I see you niche background music writer.

I just saw a red lobster ad that said today is "Fish Fry Friday" and I don't need that kind of temporal uncertainty in my goddamn life right now lobster.

The party against virtue signaling sure has a lot to say about the F word.

We all need to agree to only refer to him as Pete Beep-Beep from now on.

Captain America? More like big government spent 10X as much as the private sector on a superhero that can’t even fly.

If I had a time machine I’d go back to the meeting where dentists decided that “a little tug” was the best way to describe stabbing me in the mouth.

Soup should be spelled Suop I will die on this hill.

For as popular as it ended up being, you'd think they would have gone back and recorded a version where Alvin came in at the right spot.

I don't want to be middle aged tweeting, but I also cannot deny that this $100 Christmas tree stand has significantly improved my life.

Feels like the power of prayer has really been shitting the bed recently.

Inside of each of us is an Angel and a Demon and everyday they battle over who gets to choose which song gets stuck in your head. Today is Desperado and I think we know who won.

I’ll never play it, but I’d watch a whole three seasons of that orc couple from that mobile game ad.

Norman Rockwell birds are for people with low self-esteem. Just cut it up before you cook it so it’s tasty.

The sequel to this is going to be wild. imdb.com/title/tt0323849/