Boat Cop

Just a friendly reminder that if you set off fireworks near my boat tonight I'll fucking come for you.

Why doesn't Westeros have boat cops? Because that shit is make believe, chumly. blogtown.portlandmercury.com…

These are the times that try men's boats.

It's a nice day for boating but no day is a nice day for boating all fucked up. Believe that.

I ever tell you about that time I punched a boat criminal's boat and the boat broke in half? Remind me to sometime.

Won't lie to you friends: I have been passed out in a canal since the last fleet week.

I'm back in action, shitbirds. I've got a frosty glass of Boat Justice for you, and also Wendy's Frosty because those are delicious.

Did you know that a hooker originally referred to a kind of boat that fished with hooks? BOAT FACTS

A good day for getting my boat on. See you on the waves, hookers!

@whalecord Tell them I'll give them back their mascot anglerfish when they stop being a stupid fucking organization.

That @Capn_Lighthouse thinks he's so great, but the truth is that he's not great at all.

I'm soooo glad my hard earned tax dollars are going to an old man shining a big light on the rain.

Haven't seen today's Prince Val yet. Any good?

Another day, another boat crime (to solve).

Make that all the time.

Sometimes I just wish @Capn_Lighthouse would stop CCing me in his dementia induced tweets about the sailboat painting he thinks is his son.

Really makes you think. andthemannexttoyou.tumblr.co…

And, to be honest, I'm not all that interested in that.

The only "Super Bowl" I'm interested in is that mysterious marine trench scientists keep disappearing into.