So everybody knows me as a workaholic with big dreams but I have a wonderful life update. In December sadly I crashed very hard emotionally, burn out and a string of other issues pushed me to a point I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here anymore. Despite all our success and joy going on with the project and my streaming I had hit a point I needed to stop and have some hard conversations with myself. I opened up to my husband, roommate, my mother and some close friends about my feelings and struggles and started the long, very scary journey to get help. I got amazing support from all of them with check ins, appointment updates, and emotional venting conversations. I started seeing my doctor, a therapist and a psychiatrist, and as a team we realized a few things. Somewhere down the road I decided being busy was better than dealing with feelings I didn’t want to deal with. Family loss, mental health issues and stress was constantly pushed to the side because if I chased success I didn’t have to sit with my pain. For the back half of RTBW I was quietly in the background trying different medications and therapy, I was constantly tired or balancing the workflow with medication side effects and transitional periods so if I seemed distant, tired, or irritated I apologize. I was attempting to keep up with something everybody loved so much to make sure we didn’t let you down. It was at this point I also opened up to the OSRP team about my journey and once again I was met with support, when a day was hard- they would take the load. If I needed a minute they’d let me rest. Between that amazing support and great group of people we still put something on I’m super proud of. Now, 9 months later the storm has finally settled. Finalized, proper diagnosis for some of my issues, medication and therapy for my PTSD, and a much needed break this summer have put me in a place where I am finally happy to say I feel good, better, healthy. To everybody that worried, I’m sorry. This was something I was decided to keep private to focus on my recovery so I could get back to what I loved. However I wanted to give you all an update, an answer, and an explanation. Please understand it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to ask for help, to talk to someone. The people you idolize, love or see day to day all understand to one degree or another how it feels to struggling in their own way. Remember social media is a curated lens, that just because you never see someone actively struggling - it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I’m excited to tackle the world now with this new perspective, amazing support group, and new skills so please look forward to many more things from OSRP and myself. And finally please remember, You are not broken, you are overflowing.