Easily amused, not easily offended https://teapawt.org/t.co/rIKAKxooTL
Joined December 2012
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Party invites should contain the following info:
1. Time
2. Place
3. If there will be a cheese platter and/or a chocolate fountain.
CatherineLMK retweeted
A large portion of my day consists of rushing frantically to places I don't really want to go to.
CatherineLMK retweeted
I once bought my dad a Big Mouth Billy Bass as a gift and still consider it the best holiday purchase of my life.
CatherineLMK retweeted
If my scotch tape wasn't always missing, there would probably be no stopping me.
CatherineLMK retweeted
I just put my phone in my pocket like I'm not going to look at it again in 6 seconds
CatherineLMK retweeted
I never knew you could buy crow calls, but now that I do I hope all you guys like crow calls.
CatherineLMK retweeted
I got invited to a party that is potluck, ugly sweater, AND Secret Santa. It's the trifecta of holiday misery.
CatherineLMK retweeted
Dear Commercials,
Quit making commercials that have a house doorbell ring. Thanks.
Regards,
Every single owner of a dog
CatherineLMK retweeted
I never feel more powerful than when my lane is the only one moving on the highway.
But, alas, the interstate giveth, the interstate taketh away.
CatherineLMK retweeted
[burns mouth eating pizza]
ME: i never thought you'd be the one to ever hurt me.
CatherineLMK retweeted
Don’t forget - Saturday you get an extra hour to lie awake at night and overthink everything you’ve done wrong in your life.
CatherineLMK retweeted
Hope everybody on my gift list wanted discounted Halloween candy for Christmas!
