I want to know how much Vivek Ramaswamy paid Amy Acton’s mother. #AmyActon #Ramaswamy

The first rule of Might Club is maybe?

Mario Bros. Plumbing ★☆☆☆☆ (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.

In my lifetime we’ve went from Camelot to Scamalot

Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out of my eyes.

I need help everyone, I forgot the recipe...how much tequila goes into pancakes again?? Thanks in advance!!!

Just saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought to myself "that's a fair trade."

It use to be let them eat cake. Now it’s let them eat at Mar-a-Lago where for five thousand dollars you get one hamburger and a small dessert.

It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.

This Tweet is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it isn't very good.

Katie Zacharia is a Liar not a Lawyer

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?

So Ukraine bombs Pro-GOP Russian bot farms. Then in response DonOld cutoff intelligence & Elon cutoff Starlink. Curiouser and curiouser.

You can say "Have a nice day!" with no problem, but you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours." without sounding mildly threatening.

Next time you go to the fair, take some spare bolts with you and just as the ride you're on starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat." muhahahahaaa.,

Life is about changing perspectives and priorities: I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.

America is run by lunatics. Religious fanatic lunatics.