Colonel Keezner

When a girl is wearing shorts and there's half an inch of cheek hanging out. Yeah I'm #into that

I don't care if you're poor just don't do it around me

I have a lot of work that I could do today, but I'm choosing not to do any of it because I don't want to

🗣️🗣️

Yesterday was such a generational day on this app

Just passed my CrossFit level three certification (CF-L3), which is a really big deal! Less than 1% of all CrossFit trainers in the world hold this certification

This app has taught me that men and women can be friends

Ok... my algorithm knows way too much about me. Also, no, I haven't

Women who instantly view your Instagram story while keeping you on delivered are bad people and do not deserve good things to happen to them

One of my biggest pet peeves as a business owner is when someone says, "Why don't you lower your prices?" Or "Give a discount!" Yeah, what a great fucking idea. Thank you. Why don't you go to your boss and say that you'd like to work harder for less money?

I'm making some incredible aesthetic changes to my gym, thanks to the help of @luxebarbie_

Today might be my favorite day on this app ever these tweets are hilarious

Third date idea you come over and I make you a bacon & egg sandwich served on a toasted brioche bun with a glass of spiced apple cider

First date idea we meet at Publix to wait in line for 25 minutes to save $3 per sandwich and never see each other again

It's my first anniversary of my best friend not being my best friend anymore because of who I voted for!