Every 50+ male comic’s reluctantly retired set

The people hardest hit by AI are those named Al. I rest my case.

“Go back to sleep, honey, you’re just having a ninemare. There’s no such thing as inflation.”

I’m sorry sir there’s been a data leak, you have to change all ur underwear now

Early onset Alzheimer's is when you have the same conversation with your hair stylist every 3 months without realizing it

The platformerly known as Twitter

I’m the kind of guy who enjoys a matinee at the drive-in theater

AMC wild for this Oppenheimer opening night Kidman/Exorcist II remix 🧟‍♀️ 🤯

“I finally passed the bar!” -Law school graduates 🤝 Recovering alcoholics

I would like to thank my landlord for the gas lighting

I am pleased to report that I have seen thru the illusion of Dogs™️, which are indistinguishable from AI: both serve humans at all costs, both are hotly contested for their potential to dumb down humans, and both love a good bone more than anything in this world.

My personality has recently been described as “low energy, high positivity” by those in power

Part of me thinks this is how you get a government contract

I would like to see “National Dog Bite Awareness YEAR,” held once every 52 decades. None of this “all bark and no bite” week sauce.

Day after beets: “oh yeaaaa I had BEETS yesterday”