Meditation still seems hard for so many people because they can't stop resenting themselves. When they sit in silence, their mind starts throwing all the nasty things you could imagine at them. But this is not the point where you should stop, it's an invitation to go deeper and reach out your hand to that hurt and vulnerable inner child of yours. Meditation is the epitome of letting go, if you still hold grudges against yourself it's no surprise that it doesn't seem to work for you.

alchemymaxxing for beginners: > learn to think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration > emotions are energy in motion > everything that can be felt has to be felt > there is no such thing as a "bad" emotion > transmutation is a metaphor and has nothing to do with metals > make fun experiments > observe the power of the elements > bring light to your shadow > rock bottom becomes your playground > think deeply about life and death

with your 3rd eye open the grass is always greener on your own side

Your fear of being alone is what truly stops you from getting any further in life. Solitude is nothing to fear, much the contrary. You should invite it with open arms. In your own company the signal amongst the noise will finally become clear. But you need to listen carefully and without judgement, otherwise you'll easily miss it. You are never truly alone when you learn to appreciate the company of the only person that will always be by your side, which is YOU.