it's not that serious

Philadelphia, PA
Joined September 2022
I'm picturing you licking out the inside of shrek's mouth and there's nothing you can do to stop me
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*tape measure im holding against your tire retracts* yeah so you're gonna go about 1800 revolutions then make a right, and then it'll be on your right about 700 revolutions further
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I can't wait to retire so l can get up at 6 and go drive around really slowly and make everyone late for work.
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yeah i have a gambling addiction. i can’t stop betting on myself
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when you suddenly start getting likes on months-old posts that's just bot accounts doing whatever bot accounts do for some reason, right?
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this might actually be worse than Mia Farrow being caught googling "Mia Farrow black daughter"
Holy shit. This might be one of the saddest things I’ve ever read.
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we need sanctioned leave for parents who have recently moved. like a mandated parental leave after having a child, but for moving. productivity would tank as couples take advantage by moving from place to place to milk the mandatory leave, but this would be offset by the plummeting housing costs resulting from the stimulated real estate market. this is a good idea and I stand by it write me in for president goodbye
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you should purchase a bidet right now. I can't believe I've gone so long without this. listen carefully, every step I take, there's a subtle squeak.
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𝕏: the most retarded app i still use daily for some reason they broke "long press to copy photo" and stopped stripping exif data from uploaded photos?
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we do vietnam war 2 but only veterans of the first can fight
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I can tell you right now, a lot of defense contractors are perking up at this. only incentive to say anything before was "to not get in trouble if it's found and you're determined to have known later on" which still came with big risks (good like getting hired if you blew the whistle on contract funding) great idea.
BREAKING: President Trump announced a anti-fraud program that would pay people who expose fraud 1% of the money recovered. “If you find $1 billion, we are giving a commission to that person of 1%,” he said.
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There’s a kind of polite fiction at the heart of the software industry.
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if your wife designed the brand new home you're moving into in just a few days and she asks you "what are you most excited about?" and you answer "I'm testing out the bidet as soon as we walk in" that is, in fact, the wrong answer.
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why not fund the bureaucratic machine for a split second instead of handing wealth directly to children?
Why not pay taxes instead of performative charity?
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physiognomy alone tells you this weasel is done for
Soros-backed Philadelphia DA Larry Krasner is reportedly now under federal investigation related to obstruction of justice:
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killing drivers in the left lane matching the speed of the car to their right w/ open road ahead of them should be considered self defense but in a way like cops show up and you explain what happened and they go "oh yeah, no worries man, well done" and you go home without a fuss
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Tell Jalen Hurts to lace em up
What would you do in this situation?
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CrawD retweeted
Gotta say, the person who provably put an earring on her sleeve so that it would stab her fellow passenger is prima facie an absolute psycho nutcase whose account of what happened I am strongly inclined to disbelieve
Opened Instagram and I randomly saw the lady with the earring on her sleeve😭😭 crazy algorithm
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CrawD retweeted
BREAKING: Europe
BREAKING: Inspired by France, young second and third-generation migrants started looting stores in Milan, Italy around 2 hours ago. International mainstream media isn’t showing just how bad things are in Europe.
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