“I’m starting to feel calmer about it. People separate all the time, right? Even with children; they make it work. I’m just frustrated that it was thirteen years of my life. He’s a great father. But it was thirteen years of not being loved the way I deserve. Or want, right? Or need, even. I was just too scared of doing it alone. Now the journey’s come to an end, and it’s like: ‘Wow, I’m really not who I used to be.’ I was so spontaneous, even with something as simple as driving. I used to drive all the time. I’d drive all night just to spend a day at the beach. But after we started a family, my husband drove. It was just our flow. Then it became a crutch. Then it got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore, especially with my kids in the car. I was too scared. I’d lost that part of myself. Right before my 40th birthday we got in a big fight. It wasn’t the end; but it was close to the end. That night I bought myself a birthday present: one ticket to a resort in the Dominican Republic. Just one ticket. He’d up and leave no problem; especially if it’s work-related, right? So why not me? But right after I booked the ticket, I got so scared. I almost cancelled. But my sister was insistent. She’s a mother too; she said: ‘Stephanie, you’ve got to go. And don’t you dare take someone with you.’ It was only three nights. But when I say I smiled the whole trip, I mean it. I met so many other solo travelers. There was this old Russian woman; we saw each other everywhere. She’d float by me in the water. We took salsa classes together. She didn’t speak English, but every time she saw me she’d smile so big, like: ‘It’s you. You’re that girl.’ A few days after I came home, I was alone with the girls. My older daughter had a birthday party deep in Queens. Normally I’d have said no. Two hours on the subway; it was just too much. But I said: ‘You know what? We’re doing it.’ I booked a Zipcar. I hadn’t driven in years. I was panicking the whole time. My twelve-year-old was navigating, both of them were laughing at me. All of us were laughing the entire way. But we made it, didn’t we? When we got there I said: ‘Well girls, we can drive to Queens. I guess we can drive anywhere.”