The Circle™

Shortened #SONA2024 • Mourn thy neighbour- Namibian prez. • Remember that horrible time in 1994? 😉 Vote emotionally. • Cue in Mandela's name and that one famous Zulu king. • Talk of the constitution and imaginary kumbaya session between South Africans of different backgrounds. • Bragging about creating opportunities that, and I quote, "never existed before." • 2008 global recession blamed for local poverty. • Putin and Zelensky's war also got stray bullets. • Money was stolen from the government, by government. Everyone knows all who are implicated, but we're all just gonna wait for one of them to die off or something. State capture! • More thinly veiled jibes at Jay-Z now that he's got a new gig. • Covid. Bladdy covid. • Men are beating and killing women. Guys we gotta do something about it. Anyway... • Climate change, hey. • Tinswalo was born in 1994 and we're going to use her life as an analogy for this country's devolution. (I'd hate to be Tinswalo) • Tinswalo lived a state-funded life so she's lucky to be alive because we funded her existence. • I'm mentioning some facts that you're aware of as an ordinary South African so that you can see that I'm aware of things. Unemployment. Uhm... youths are unemployed. The Unemployment of youths. Yes. • We have more black managers in the country (the country where the majority is black. Yes that country.) • Let's rebuild (the things that our government neglected for years) • State capture! Again. • We're going to end loadshedding. One day. Some day. At some point in time. • We're building more power lines over the next 5 years. 😉 vote for my party. • There's a new fund to steal from: the Climate Change Response fund. Yay! • There was traffic at our ports. We haven't fully cleared it, but we want you to know that we know. Also, the war in the Middle-East means we can gain by being a docking station. Hello Vasco da Gama. • More people have Internet because of us (✋️😀 daddy, that's a global thing hey.) • There will be a really really fast train between Joburg and Durbs. (But sir, the slower, cheaper train has failed for years now...) • We're going to end loadshedding. You'll see. Stru. Mafra. I swear. • On employment, we're doing great guys. Forget what I said earlier. We created jobs. We're also giving out free money. • People are dying later in life now (so that they can enjoy this pitiful existence for an extended period. Yay) • You think you have no water? Huh?! Apartheid was worse. Enjoy watershedding, you thankless lot. • Political jargon and gibberish to pass time and make the speech longer. • Crime! Ohhh we're definitely dealing with those guys hey. Look at all the security forces we're forming. We're fighting crime. Bringing our bicycles to an F1 race right here, baby. Winning! • We are solving global wars! Well, not solving, but saying something about it. (READ: We are writing stern letters to the BBC.) • Mention of Africa, for ambiance. • Covid again. • Cue in the violins as I speak like we're equals. • We've been through a lot together, guys. • I know what you're thing through. • Democracy. My party. Economic growth. • Apartheid. Jibe at EFF. • I was physically there when the constitution was penned. In not your mate. I'm superior. • The next 30 years are gonna be a jol, guys. (lol) • Cue in the Mandela quote. Blah blah, fishpaste. • "Like Madiba, we must keep moving, always forward." (Does he know about 5 Dec 2005? 👀)