Dad of 3 under 10 whos at most a 6 with an 11 scale wife just keepin it comical & muddlin thru. Fueled by 🥃 & ☕. Featured on @TheDad, @todayshow, @huffpost
Joined December 2021
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Our kids walk in the door smelling their mom's experimental cooking <gagging>, first child: “UGH! It smells like bad cheese.” Other child: “No I think it’s rotten eggs.” The last child won’t even come back in the house without his astro-oxygen supply
"M--. Will is here. He has a sword."
- 8yo casually announcing to her brother the next backyard duel
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My wife and I play this cute game every time we go out where she picks 2 outfits out and asks my opinion on which looks better, then wears a different one anyway.
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Saw an Amazon truck drop a kid off at school this morning. Didn't know that was an option.
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Things you never find once lost
1. Innocence
2. Childhood
3. Chapstick
4. New Chapstick
5. Backup Chapstick
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Sometimes I wonder how there can be flat earthers, but then I remind myself how my son blamed his last 5 soccer game losses solely on the ref
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it’s that time of night where I turn off my 13 inch screen and watch my 65 inch screen.
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Whoever said "If you believe it you can achieve it." never tried leaving the house on time with toddlers.
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I’m starting to worry about my husband’s eyesight. He can’t seem to see that the cutlery drawer is divided into sections.
Sometimes I wonder how there can be flat earthers, but then I remind myself how my son blamed his last 5 soccer game losses solely on the ref
Draggin Father Behind retweeted
world mental health day occurring on prime day means that all those purchases are for the good of your mental health
