Fing Duck

I tried to call off today and she's like is it because of Quiddich Champions and I'm like no I'm sick and she's like does Andy pandy puddin pie wanna pway wiff magic bwooms and I'm like I feel much better I'm coming in plus I'm going to kill you.

I played my Helloween tapes so much they broke

IT IS A DECEPTIVE MANEUVER!

Effect is pertaining to a result outside of you and affect is the same but with your feelings however if there is no out there out there if it's all in here then effect is about thoughts and affect is about feelings however thoughts and feelings might be the same thing.

What if when you're awake you're asleep and when you're asleep you're awake and we're doing everything backwards? Wouldn't that explain why we have the opposite of what we want HERE and we have what we really want THERE?

I slept on the couch ALL day.

It's almost Trans Siberian Orchestra season DID YOU SAY TRANS Jesus christ don't give me a heart attack

Something happened and there was a hole in the wall and I put duct tape on it glory hole style and everyone looked at it and laughed the end. (that's like the 10th version of that tweet I've tried and by far the best)

If Andy comes by and does not fart it's because he's walking off a work boner. That's all I know.

I can fathom the fathom as they say

The Matrix pumps endless spam into your mind seek but do not find over and over never ends I must be and do everything constantly you are nothing you are worthless you are worth nothing you will die alone fade to black you should have never come here

Would yuuu like to talk about how we work for money to buy food so we have energy to work and buy more food?

More like Erection Day amirite

This fucking calendar it said if you had any idea who walks beside you always you would feel no fear and this Karen said is that talking about you you know how you walk around looking at asses and I'm like yeah I'm sure that's what Jesus meant.

I found my soulmate we pitched in on a bag of fruit gushers and we were taking one at a time and I got one with 5 stuck to it so I shoved it in my mouth and we both shouted STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE we laughed and laughed and I'm pretty sure the weddings going to be next Halloween

Marie said I think I messed things up for you and I'm like whatdya mean and she's said the new girl said she was going to ask you out and I said he'll say yes definately and she's like how do you know and I'm like well he's really horny. Now I don't know where she went.