I've written three books. One about terrible drivers. One about how fucked up we all are. And one about 40 years dealing with the general public. Apparently, I don't like people very much. 😂 EVERYONE DRIVES LIKE A TWAT EVERYONE'S FUCKED UP DON'T TAKE A FENCE All available on Amazon. petemorrisauthor.com

ARE YOU A BIT FUCKED UP? Excellent. You're my target audience. Do you overthink everything, argue with people who aren't there, worry what others think, and regularly promise to sort your shit out on Monday? I've written a book about you. Everyone's Fucked Up: Some People Just Have Better Curtains. It's funny, occasionally useful, and won't promise to transform you into some enlightened, permanently happy version of yourself. Frankly, that sounds exhausting. You might recognise yourself, understand a few things, and have a bloody good laugh. Buy it. I've got bills. amazon.co.uk/dp/1066949719

A little psychological experiment. Someone doesn't reply to your message. Do you:

One of my favourite lines from Everyone's Fucked Up: Some People Just Have Better Curtains. A book about human behaviour, the madness of self-help, and why we're all a bit of a mess. Available on Amazon: amazon.co.uk/dp/1066949719

I've spent years studying human behaviour, psychology and why people do the things they do. I've learned an enormous amount. Unfortunately, none of it has stopped me calling someone a fucking idiot for doing exactly what I did five minutes earlier.

I love people who say, “I'm just being myself.” Yes, we've noticed. Have you considered being someone else for a bit?

I've spent years studying human behaviour, and I've come to one fairly reassuring conclusion. Most of us haven't got a fucking clue what we're doing. Some people are just considerably better at looking like they have. And occasionally, those people write self-help books. Which is awkward, because I've just written one.

Powerful, powerful stuff

I've spent years studying psychology. I now understand that most of my suffering is imaginary. Unfortunately, my imagination is exceptionally talented.

Couldn't agree more......

I've finally learned to accept people for who they are. Unfortunately, most of them are still getting on my tits.

I've spent years studying psychology, human behaviour and the mysteries of the human mind. And yet I still rehearse arguments in the shower with people who pissed me off in 1997. I usually win.

It's not often you get a therapist laughing at how fucked up we all are. I'll take that as a win. "EFU, is GREAT!! I love how it's formatted actually - it's extremely readable. Funny, vulnerable, so, so utterly human. Just so good, Pete. Well done. I've not read it all - I'm managing to dip in every now and again when I get a moment, and chuckle at how ridiculous we all are. Really. Such a refreshing read." Everyone's Fucked Up -some people just have better curtains Available on Amazon. amazon.co.uk/Everyones-Fucke…

High Praise for Don't Take A Fence. Thank you, whoever you are 🙏 amazon.co.uk/Dont-Take-Fence…

Why is it that someone driving at 35 in a 40 is a complete fucking idiot, but when I'm doing 35 in a 40, I'm simply enjoying a relaxed journey? And why is everyone behind me suddenly in such a hurry? Be honest. What's the one driving habit that makes you lose your fucking mind?

I've come to the conclusion that 90% of arguments between couples start because one person has used a perfectly normal tone of voice and the other has somehow heard a declaration of war. What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever had an argument about?

I've reached that age where I can walk into a room, forget why I'm there, walk back out, remember, go back in and forget again. Apparently, this is called ageing gracefully. Personally, I think my brain's taking the piss.