Benny Gesserit

Dennis Hastert died this morning. For 16 years, while he was a coach and government teacher at Yorkville High School in Yorkville, Illinois, Hastert sexually abused at least four boys (and likely more). He was still sexually abusing students when he began his political career and ran for the Illinois State House. He was elected to the U.S. House in 1986 and became Speaker of the House in 1999. He would become the longest-serving Republican Speaker. Despite his long background of molesting children, Hastert positioned himself as a "family values" social conservative. His downfall came when the FBI discovered structured "hush money" payments he was making to one of his victims to keep them quiet. Incredibly, Hastert had publicly called for life sentences for child molestors. He retired from Congress after making a fortune and joined a lobbying firm. He would eventually be convicted of a charge related to his "hush money" structured payments to the victim he molested but not charges for the molestation because the statute of limitation had passed. Interesting note on his plea deal that landed him only 15 months in prison: 60 people submitted character statements on his behalf, but 19 were withdrawn when it was ruled the statements would be made public. Nineteen people--whom we'll never know--were going to defend a serial child molester until they realized it would be public knowledge. Anyway, the bastard got to live the rest of his life in relative comfort after serving only 13 months in prison. He died today. Rest in piss.