I Can’t Believe I’m Not Butter

Sunrise today. Sound up. Where do I live? Paradise.

I used to rag on youse kids with your avocado toast but today I made a spicy avocado, raisin, mayo and Macadamia nut spread that would pair really well with toast points. OMG it’s good! I apologize. I was wrong. I take back everything I said about avocado toast! Yours, Boomer

The Trump administration is just gross. abcnews.com/Politics/supreme…

JD Vance told to go fuck a couch as GOP bends over Rhonda Santis. Excuse me, I’m told it’s Ron DeSantis. My bad. 😁 wsj.com/politics/elections/j…

Happy Diwali to those who begin celebrating tomorrow. Me? I started celebrating Wednesday morning, but that was a different kind of festival of lights.

Years ago my sister was elected to a Town office; Chuck Schumer swore her in. However his advance team had given him minor wrong info and he was laughed at and corrected on stage. I was out back as Chuck exited screaming bloody hell at the young staffer he blamed for the error.

Susie Wiles has resigned (been fired?). Trump names Stephen Miller new chief of staff. A LITERAL Nazi is now running the U.S. government because the president only wants to do “ball stuff.” Sorry, I’m told Trump only wants to do “BALLROOM” stuff. Well, that’s hardly better!

LIV golf admitted in court today that they’re bankrupt.

Dear Democratics: Fix immigration. Fix tariffs. Fix the economy. Then we can talk about 2028.

Some people prefer their carrots, onions, celery and peppers here, their Kielbasa there—rice, beans, stewed tomatoes—all in separate piles on their plate…. Nothing touching…. I respect your choices but OMG have you tried it all mushed together?

Donald’s Byron wins Florida Governor's race. Stupid, stupid, stupid people!

Dammit, I can’t believe more than half of Florida voted for Donald’s Byron and Assley Moody. LUCY, YOU COME BACK HERE WITH MY FOOTBALL!!!

I am sitting in the dark and watching election results with all my fingers ’n all my toes crossed!! Nobody jinx it by going to the kitchen!!

Uh. Where’s Kornacki? Don’t piss me off now, @MSNOWNews! I said, WHERE’S KORNACKI??? What do you mean he’s on YouTube? I don’t like that. He should be in the studio with the rest of the team? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FRICKIN’ MINDS?????

Heavy rain here, one hour before the polls close. Hmmm. Hate that.

Does anyone actually still vote on Election Day? Everyone I know voted by mail or during early voting. I’m thinking about driving by a couple of polling places later today, just to see how it’s going.

This carrot and yogurt salad would have been better if I had parboiled the carrots for a minute and added raisins to finish but it’s okay, I’m gnawing it!

Got notification of my ninety dollar Trump bribe today. I won’t hold my breath for the actual money, though. And it could’ve been 90 million. I still wouldn’t vote for these GOP clowns! Trump is so stupid.

Boy, I wish I was this clever but I don’t think I can top “Ken Paxton microwaves fish in the office break room!”

Donald Trump is an absolute asshole. newindianexpress.com/world/2…

Yes, I tried to rob a bank but I was only testing the bank’s security systems so you have to let me go! Haha. Sure…. Now g’head and do that with voting.