@IvoryGazelle

Two lib arts degrees and a diabetic cat https://xitter.cf/t.co/LLhnBtQDij…

 New Orleans, LA
babylist.com/roxandrew
Joined October 2012
  • Tweets8.5K
  • Following459
  • Followers12.1K
829Media
[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8
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Me as a teacher: ok who can tell me how to solve the problem on the board? Student: it just says “I’m lonely”
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When every meal is Uber Eats
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My momma :) and those are my chirren - chip in if you can <3 gofundme.com/f/fulfilling-a-…
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"overnight oats" "gig economy" "tiny home" you are a peasant who eats gruel
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today is the day i discovered the british version of dollar tree is called poundland skksjsjksjskjsksks
Poundland@Poundland8 Sep 2022
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A classic from a suspended account. I think about it and die laughing every time
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Call me petty but i will never forgive my student loans
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Representation matters
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If it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail
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Yankee Candle's Stages of Abstraction Level 1: The scent represents a physical object where the object's aroma is one of its distinct properties.
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Wind chimes, but it's hot dogs. The soothing sound of wind meat
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Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat*
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most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
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Me: *finally understanding how change machines work* ahh ok that makes cents
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*Movie's 10 second sex scene begins My dad who's been missing for 12 years: hey whatcha watchin'
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BOSS: Your feminist agenda is starting to disrupt meetings ME: *tucks tampon behind ear like a pen* How
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The next person who says I'm using chopsticks incorrectly can cut this umbilical cord themselves
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For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
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schmox retweeted
jo@whatsJo20 Jan 2020
him: my dad left when I was younger, around 7 me: before rush hour, smart move
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