misterbezold

As an extremely introverted introvert who has spent much of her life navigating social anxiety, I sometimes can't believe I've ended up doing something that involves so much public speaking, socializing, and generally being, well, looked at. (My greatest fear!) And just because I've gotten better at doing things that don't come naturally doesn't mean they're ever easy. A jam-packed week of walkthroughs, tours, meetings, interviews, and conversations -- especially conversations about myself, the absolute most uncomfortable kind -- is A LOT for someone whose happy place is being alone with her thoughts. I make art because I crave connection, like we all do. Being around a lot of people isn't my favorite way of connecting; being in my studio is. It's my preferred way of reaching out into the world from the solitude of my own thoughts and making contact with others. Going out into the world and talking about my work doesn't come quite as naturally. But the ideas and experiences behind what I make matter deeply to me, enough that I take a few deep breaths and do the artist talks and lectures and gallery tours anyway. Not because I enjoy talking about myself, but in spite of the fact that I don't. Even when it's challenging or tiring, I'm always amazed by how these encounters bring me into contact with people I might never otherwise have met, deepen connections I already have, and open up conversations I might never otherwise have had. They can be incredibly nourishing and inspiring, even when they take a lot out of me. All of which is to say that I'm feeling incredibly grateful -- full heart, full mind -- after a packed week at the gallery, and also extremely exhausted and happy to hide away at home and not speak to ANYONE this weekend. Off to recover.... :) :) :)