my friend: Nah cuz why white people got grandparent names like “gree-graw” and “pip-pip”😭 My alien friend trying to riff:And for why is the purple people named Grimace😂 *awkward silence* Me, hitting him hard whispering in his ear: do not embarrass me like that again gorlax

For the past year any time I want to post a selfie I think of this image and it stops me

This train will now be running express to Boner Ave *my ears perk up* Skipping stops at Foreplay, Emotional Connection and Self-Esteem Crossing *my sensitive ass soul lets out a furtive sigh*

as a teen I thought this was a show guys pretended to be interested in to get pussy . Nowadays I’m telling girls they have internalized misogyny if they say Lena Dunham isn’t funny and going no contact

When you definitely know how to have a conversation

I think my dealer is trying to move our relationship to the next level by sending Tucker Carlson reels

Love-hate knuckle tattoos but instead they say beer and weed 🤣Kind of a rough time for me right now so I’d appreciate a share on this

pro-Digger resistance reeling after “Fan of Tom Cruise : News” joins the opposition

best friend’s tryna ‘banshees of inisherin’ me but im not going down without a fight

Type of scheme you had to pull in an early 2000s comedy to get any play