@LizerReal

Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra.πŸ–•πŸ»πŸŠFind me on IG https://xitter.cf/t.co/bIMfqBqyjG

xitter.cf/search?q=(from%3Alizerreal)%20-filter%3Areplies&src=typed_query
Joined May 2017
  • Tweets77.2K
  • Following833
  • Followers49.9K
15.2KMedia
Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Katie D@KatieDeal9913 Oct 2025
My daughter was mad at me and yelled β€œI’m gonna spend the day in my room and you’ll be ALL ALONE all day!” And that just isn’t the threat she thinks it is
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Ginger@gingerbrigade117 Oct 2025
I talk to my dogs out loud and have them respond to me in their little puppy voices. This is completely normal!
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Mal@TheRealPalMal17 Oct 2025
[About the new foster dog] Me: I think he's about 6 or 7 years. My Gen Z kids: *grins* Me: Don't.
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Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy23 Sep 2025
Oh no, it looks like I’ve had a little too much to think
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1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.
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Ginger@gingerbrigade112 Oct 2025
At this point I’m pretty sure I was born a hot mess.
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meghan
@deloisivete10 Oct 2025
Ordered my kids food from two different places and the drivers are about to arrive at the same time, and why does this feel so embarrassing
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
meghan
@deloisivete2 Oct 2025
Me: *screams into the void* Spirit Halloween: *screams back*
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Shannon
@gardengirl12511 Oct 2025
Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary so I can relax
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy12 Oct 2025
I saw a dog wearing a vest that said β€œNot Friendly, Do Not Approach” and do they make these for people? Cause I want one
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
TizzyEnt
@TizzyEnt30 Sep 2025
UPDATE: the gentleman who threatened to release Speaker Mike Johnson's Grindr account
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Lil Bit 🌈@LizerReal21 Nov 2019
Fairy godmother: Remember, at midnight the spell will be broken. Me in my 30's: Oh no worries. I'll be done and at home in my pajamas by 8pm. FGM: Oh no, my dear, you have until midni--- Me: 8PM.
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Lil Bit 🌈@LizerReal16 Oct 2020
Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life.
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Rach, Esq.@thebgcomplex29 Sep 2025
This could fix me
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
meghan
@deloisivete30 Sep 2025
Paper plates don’t need to go so hard with the marketing. Whimsical floral design? I just need to know if I can microwave chicken nuggets
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Val for Nevada@ValforNevada28 Sep 2025
This should be illegal
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Julicorn@ChicksRule23 Sep 2025
This meeting could have been the rapture
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Katie D@KatieDeal9924 Sep 2025
Doctor: under β€œmedications currently taking” you just wrote β€œwine and cheese” Me: Doctor: Me: did you need the dosage amounts?
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Katie D@KatieDeal9925 Sep 2025
The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every. single. day.
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Lil Bit 🌈 retweeted
Daddy Go Fish@daddygofish29 Sep 2025
Marriage pro tip: stash away a bunch of Amazon packages so when your wife is yelling at you just secretly toss a few on the porch and she'll forget you exist.
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