ALT BANISHMENT. One. I’ve, for one, had it to here with the Food Channel, it’s like they’re always cooking a duck or something, carving a duck’s carcass or whatever. Whaddaya say, just one road trip together, up the Menominee, through the Ardennes? We will sit in a rowboat. Will watch barges pass us. The moon, I mean, the sun is beautiful, settling down over what stays nearby, while someone not here starts intoning Earth Angel and we spot the moon through dense trees like a lost giant’s flashlight.

ALT Two. The Banishment Capital of the World, you know, where they’ve sent all the witches, the two-headed oxen, boys who insist they are mermaids, the bowlegged gymnasts, is oft confused with Elkhart, Indiana, the Band Instrument Capital of the World, and in certain fog with Sheboygan. Each after all has a barber named Felix and on occasion a lunar eclipse, half a hill strewn with marigolds. Michael Dumanis