@MomOnFire

Smooth like nitroglycerin. Fourth Quarter Perfomer. Literal nightmare of a person.

 San Antonio TEXAS
xitter.cf/search?q=from%3A%40momonfire%2Fexclude%3Areplies
Joined February 2011
  • Tweets132K
  • Following1.7K
  • Followers74.9K
1.3KMedia
I want this Twitter account to outlive me by 100 years. I want my grandchildren to read my Tweets and say, "Holy fuck. She was so weird."
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“You Can See Everything” is an absolute mindfuck. Is she a psychopath? Is she a quirky do gooder who falls for the wrong guys? Reader, I don’t know.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater14h
You life isn't a joke. Jokes bring people joy.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater19h
Hey, my boyfriend and I noticed you from across the bar and wondered if you'd like to join our doomsday cult
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“Stacey’s mom has got it going on.” Bro, she’s in her late seventies you sick fuck.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Sasquatch 🇨🇦
@saskwatchewanOct 27
Permit the Frog, his by-law enforcing cousin.
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Every day I get the rundown on the high school theater department, and let me tell you, it’s dramatic.
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I’m entering my bitter old hag era.
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I have a visceral reaction to whimsical behavior and that reaction is uncontrolled vomit.
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My kids: Mom, you spoil that dog. Me: Yes.
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Oh my god the moon.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
barrel rolls@barrel_rollsOct 26
a beautiful woman named final notice keeps trying to contact me
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Horatio Quartzjixler@QuartzjixlerOct 21
It's a good thing that I have never been given access to an arena's t-shirt cannon because I would aim for people no more than six feet away from me who aren't paying attention.
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I’ve got $8 cash, which makes me motherfucking KING of the bin store.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
barrel rolls@barrel_rollsOct 26
being literate is getting exhausting
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The Monday yoga teacher is smoking hot. Her classes are insanely hard, and she has no mercy. Afterward we lie on the mats in the dark and she softly talks about practicing detachment. This is my drug.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Horatio Quartzjixler@QuartzjixlerOct 26
Heimlich maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge an object caught in someone's airway (frequently used). Heinrich Himmler maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge a chicken farmer into a career as Reichsführer-SS (rarely used).
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Tonight my yoga teacher told the class we deserve to be seen and loved. WHAT?!
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 25
Sorry I wasn't nicer to you before. I didn't realize you were hot.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 25
Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
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