Brian Falsworth

"Are you a boy or a girl?" "I'm a superhero." "What's your gender?" "Vigilantism." "What's in your pants?" "Justice."

EL MUERTO IS GETTING A MOVIE JACKIE WE HAVE A CHANCE

Captain America, making a speech: We’re better than them. We don’t kill people! Me, who’s BEEN killing people:

I may have a bruise on my face and a bandaid on my eyebrow but at least my hair is killing it.

[Jac trying to convince me not to go on a suicide mission.] Jac: I’ve always believed you were stupid, but not that stupid! Me: No, I really am that stupid and if you don’t believe me, watch.

Today’s tweets sponsored by the physical act of overthrowing the government.

By sheer force of will, I am now immortal.

Jacqueline, to Namor: Brian doesn’t have any survival or self-preservation instincts. I think he was born without them. Me: That’s not true! Jac: Oh yeah? Race you downstairs! Me: Me: [Throws self out of second-story window.]

I’ve been existing solely off a diet of coffee for about three days now and I have the super soldier serum to thank for that.

[At My Funeral.] Jac: He died doing what he loved. Jac: Dying.

Life is too short to not to vault over every table you see.

I spend my time either running away from problems or creating new ones.

If it’s not dangerous it simply isn’t worth my time.

GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIGHT ME THIS MONTH I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND THE GAYS ON MY SIDE

Me: I’m ambidextrous. Bucky, shoving an entire granola bar in his mouth: That’s wassup bro, love who you love.

Jacqueline, being a complete snitch: Brian hasn’t eaten anything today! Roger: Brian! Me: I had coffee! Coffee’s a bean and we eat beans!

I’m not immortal God really just doesn’t want to meet me yet.