@NotTodayEric

Gen X | Simple Man | Food Fan

Joined July 2017
  • Tweets33.7K
  • Following9.1K
  • Followers37.2K
2.7KMedia
“Are you free Sunday night” Are you out of your mind.
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If you survived swing sets in the 80s you can survive anything.
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I’m only wearing pants today because society has rules.
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Fine. I will rise, but shining is out of the question.
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Not to brag but I was alive when our phones never left the house
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Welcome to today’s episode of Why Did I Weigh Myself.
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I can’t believe I ate so many snacks later tonight.
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Welcome to tonight’s episode of So You Think You Can Sleep.
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I am a grown man with the sniffles so I guess this is goodbye.
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Before I come over, what’s your ice cream situation.
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Saturday is the only weekend day. Everybody knows that.
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Great, now I have to learn how to fly a car.
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People on Facebook know way too much about each other.
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Workplace Barbie@JustRadEnoughOct 16
You look like you cry to Mariah Carey songs in the shower.
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cow
@cowincrisisOct 15
the horses think they run this place. adorable.
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greg
@greg16676935420Oct 16
Can’t believe I actually lived long enough to see flying cars
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Reese
@ReeseforsureOct 16
I hope I end up looking absolutely insane living in South beach at 70.
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Nobody has ever been given garlic bread and been upset about it.
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I need a “whether app” that tells me whether or not I can afford to go outside.
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A haunted house, but it’s full of everyone you have blocked.
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It’s ok to be late if a dog puts a paw on you.
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