OptaJoke

13 - In the 13 years since he retired, 95 percent of Man United fans have deleted tweets saying their next manager will be as good as Sir Alex Ferguson. Replacement.

180 - Sir Alex Ferguson needs to live until he’s 180 until he finds a manager that might be a suitable replacement for him. Gaffer.

5 - Number of months since we lasted tweeted but it’s worth it to start writing stats about Man United again. Devilish.

17 - Gabriel’s penalty will land on the Moon in 17 hours time. Artemis.

99 - Percentage of Spurs fans no longer deleting their Twitter account tonight. Rivals.

5.6 - Louis Dunford will earn approximately £5.6 billion in royalties from “North London Forever” if Arsenal win the Champions League tonight. Playlist.

239,987 - Number of people deleting their tweet wondering why Kai Havertz is starting for Arsenal in the Champions League final. Opener.

100 - Percentage of Sunderland fans impressed with their new striker Nick Woltemade. Header.

7,398,124,765 - Number of people on the planet better qualified to be FIFA president than Gianni Infantino. Blatter.

99 - Percentage of Scotland’s population who’ll remain drunk between now and next year’s World Cup. Buckfast.

3 - Harry Maguire’s forehead is the 3rd largest man-made object that can be seen from space. Slab.

99.9 - 99.9% of all faxes sent each year in England are sent on Transfer Deadline Day. Retro.

59 - Mikel Arteta has spent the last 59 minutes looking for the receipt for Viktor Gyokeres. Refund.

15 - Number of minutes into the new Premier League season it took for the first VAR controversy to occur. Handball.

1 - No one knows more than one line to the Champions League anthem. CHAAAMMMPPIIOOONNNSS.

100 - Percentage of Arsenal fans denying they ever thought Spurs had a chance of getting a result against Liverpool today. Spursy.

1992 - Ant and Dec haven’t been this emotional since Ant was blinded during a paintball fight in 1992. Byker.

1,301,426 - Number of Man United fans who have deleted their tweet saying Ruben Amorim will save their season. Relegation.

27 - Percentage of Everton fans gutted Jordan Pickford saved Erling Haaland’s penalty because he’s still in their fantasy football team. Overpriced.

1 - Gary Neville is contractually obliged to make his trademark goal celebration noise at least once a game. WWOOAAAEEERRRHHHH.