the box was perfect. full pepperoni, i took another photo, and doug said "huh, looks good." he set it on the coffee table and said he was going to grab plates. i stood there awkwardly in the doorway. then a golden retriever walked out of the kitchen, calmly put his front paws on the table, and ate every single piece of pepperoni off the pizza in about four seconds. he left the cheese completely untouched like he'd done it a hundred times. doug walked back in with the plates, looked at the pizza, and said "see? NO PEPPERONI." i said "sir, that is your dog." doug looked at the dog. the dog looked at doug. there was grease on his nose. "...biscuit?" i drove back and told gary, who stared at the wall for a full minute and said "so we've been paying to feed a dog." the next friday doug called again, and gary answered. i heard him say "sir, you're going to have to put the pizza somewhere biscuit can't reach." doug now orders two pizzas, one for him and one extra pepperoni "for the dog," and he pays for both.

when i was 19 i worked at a pizza place, and every friday around 7pm a guy named doug would call to say his large pepperoni pizza showed up with no pepperoni on it. every friday. same complaint, same line: "i paid for pepperoni and i got cheese." my manager, gary, didn't want a fight, so he'd just comp him a free pizza. by week five we had given doug four free pizzas, and i was convinced he was scamming us. i started watching the pizza get made. the pepperoni was always on there. i even took a photo once, with the pepperoni clearly visible, just to have proof. so on week five, gary told me to deliver doug's pizza myself and "figure out what's going on." i knocked, doug opened the door, and i said i'd like to watch him open the box. he looked confused but said ok.