My testimony (the one fit for public consumption): January 13, 2021 was supposed to be the day I died. The night before, my husband held me close, trying to help me slow his breathing as he pressed his chest against my back. I was having one panic attack after another. Thirty minutes of terror followed a few minutes of drop, and then the panic would flood in again. It wasn't any one thing that pushed me past my limit. It was a lifetime of severe trauma and childhood neglect that brought me to that point. I'd been raped, choked nearly to death, had 28 different 'dads' living in our home from age 8-15. My father killed himself and involved me in his suicide. My first husband died robbing a bank. I was exploited and pimped out. On and on and on. I was no angel. I wasn't only a victim. All of that pain twisted me into a broken shell. The pain I caused to others was just as bad as the things that were done to me over the course of my life. That night in January 2021, after hours of panic attacks, a wonderful escape plan presented itself to me. I realized I could just kill myself. Lights out. As a lifelong atheist I believed I would die and then .... nothing. In that moment, 'nothing' sounded better than 'anything' else I could imagine. I sat up in bed with relief. I could breathe. I started planning. I only had to make it until the next day, and I could kill myself while my husband was at work. I decided to go to a hotel so he wouldn't come home and find me. The next morning I woke up to the sound of my mother in law, Tina, at the door. My husband was deeply worried about me and he'd asked her to come to the house and stay in visual range of me until he got home. Tina was a born again Christian and I was instantly ticked off. I wanted to kill myself. The last thing I wanted was another sermon about her 'sky daddy'. She sat on the couch with me (I wasn't going to be rude and kick her out) and told me her own story. One she'd never told before. She shared the gospel. She listened to me for hours, telling her about my pain. When she arrived she said she had a nail appointment at one so we needed to keep track of the time. I counted the minutes, but when it was time to go, and I tried to get rid of her, she said she'd cancelled the appointment and was going to stay with me until Jack got home. In an absolute fit of panic and childish anger over my foiled suicide plan, I cried and shouted at her, "I DON'T DESERVE THIS." Tina calmly replied, "Dear, if you and I got what we deserve, we'd both be in hell right now." Then she smiled and took a sip of her coffee. It felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. It was her non-chalance, her perfect red-lipstick smile. In that moment, I instantly knew it was true. All of it. I instinctively repented through tears, and asked Jesus to be my savior and to lead me. (I'm pretty yackity so I said a bunch of stuff. I don't remember everything but I prayed for a few minutes). Suddenly, all the panic and pain was gone. In it's place was a joy I'd never experienced before. I jumped up delight and surprise, knowing without doubt that He was the love of my life and I would NEVER leave Him. Three hours later Jack came home from work and I was so excited I was jumping up and down, smiling, and saying, "I'm saved! I can't believe it's real! I'm saved!" Jack saw me go from active suicide planning, to pure joy in a matter of hours. He came to the Lord the next day. I should be in hell right this minute. So should you. There is no one who is good, no, not one. But God, in His patient loving kindness gives us time. He gives us chance after chance. He shows himself to us while we still hate him. And in the moment of our submission, He is there to heal our broken hearts. Because He loved me first. Because he died for me. Because he rose again. Because He is Holy Holy Holy. Because He is all that matters: I will worship Him until my last breath.

I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2 My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. 3 O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. 4 I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. 6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. 8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. 9 O fear the Lord, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him. 10 The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing. 11 Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 12 What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? 13 Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. 14 Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. 15 The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. 16 The face of the Lord is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. 17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. 20 He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken. 21 Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate. 22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate. Psalm 34 🙏

This is an all time favorite sermon of mine.

I was pretty angry when I saw what she said about God. I could have been more gentle. Still, I didn't expect that response. Something is wrong with him or her. I sent a prayer up. X makes me worry about people's hearts, a lot.

😂

More of this, please 😂

Most people have no idea Who is coming.

Get right with Jesus.

🎯

Only Jesus can do that.

I doubt anyone will see this, it's the middle of the night. I just want to say, if you call yourself a Christian and intentionally sexually violate another person (verbally or physically), you're going to hell. Repent while you have breathe in your lungs. God will not look kindly on claiming Him, to gain trust, to violate one of His children. I'm hurting, but he'll heal me. It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hand of the living God. If you see this, prayers would be deeply appreciated.

I love this so much.

My sweet husband was LEO for 20 years, and a Marine. *swooning over his manliness* He LOVES our country. We don't talk about my ... how do I put this? Conspiracy beliefs. I pray he dies thinking the world is safe because of America.

God blessed us with time with our grandchild this weekend. He was born 2 months premature and he's all caught up with other babies who were born when he was due. And he's already into books! My heart nearly burst when he snuggled in for his bottle. Meet baby Jack:

The Columbia is stunning today. I'm rejoicing it it 🙏

The God Delusion is the same slop today that it was 20 years ago. He was wrong, but at least Russell tried.

#stevelawson is selling a book on repentance. More pastors need to understand the book of Jude.

Wow. We quickly went from 'my body, my choice' to 'my child, my choice'.