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Dein goldenes Haar Margarete, dein aschenes Haar Sulamith

Joined April 2018
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Really good friend has recently grown very comfortable with me and now sends me pics of himself whenever he's trying out new clothes/fits and it makes me feel really good he does that, and he looks pretty good cos he's comfortable with his body, something I'm hoping to learn🤞🏻
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As the year ends I honestly kind of feel like I really just messed up another one yet again. Plus I guess I kind of failed at building a life or whatever in a new city but atleast I'll be out of here in a few months. Then I can go fuck up somewhere else all over again.
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Honestly I guess I get it, I'm a pretty big mess and just do not have my shit together at all, and I frankly just whine and mope a lot (quite clearly) and make my problems worse, and I just really want to not be this way so yeah, I want to try and change
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Also JoJo's is just really enjoyable, it feels so very irreverent and creative, and just abounding with joy, as if Araki was just having fun making it and that really translates where it'll just not care much for traditional storytelling if it gets in the way of "fun" or "cool"
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The only joyous thing in my life right now is that every night I get to talk to a really good friend online and we alternate between watching jojo ( which he's seen) and twin peaks (which I've seen). Sharing media truly is the best bonding experience
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Lowk done with existing if I'm being honest
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Boy do I suck at expressing myself and oh boy have I been so very out of practice that the whole concept seems really foreign and unimaginable to me
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Got introduced to Fairuz's music recently and I'm in awe of how beautiful it is. Such an incredibly rich voice that's simultaneously so haunting, and sadly more so now youtube.com/watch?v=hsrTUDS6…
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Got myself a junji ito tshirt 😆
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Hbd to one of the most formative albums I've ever heard. The comfort this album gave me as a fresher in college struggling with social anxiety and being oh so very insecure and unsure of myself and the prospect of making a life of my own was very important to me. Thank you.
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How to grow up and get your shit together as a 26 year old who feels extremely behind pretty much everyone? And how to do it fast as fuck lol
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Trying to get back to listening to a lot of music again, so albums I heard this week
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Kinda funny how feelings work sometimes. Brain's just been reminding me I still have quite a long way to go to being close to any sort of a normal or "good" but oh well, working on it
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Humbling too, for a little bit you can really convince yourself this is it, you've found energy and hope to make changes, but then the long arduous path makes itself clear and you have to choose to walk it
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I know I'm always being miserable, defeatist and plain pathetic, but I do want to keep trying, to work towards bettering myself, to be a good person who brings positive change for myself and everyone I know and don't, and it looks impossible but I wanna try still
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I just want to be happy and make others happy, to love and be loved
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Gay guy keeps hitting on me, and I'm not interested in them, but ig atleast somone wants me
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It's really hot and my ac is broke, and I worry I'm coming down with something that's giving me a fever and body aches, I think it's time to call it quits on living
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Part of the life my horrible decisions have led me down is just this overwhelming misery of feeling so alone and non existent, I feel like an outsider looking in, just pretending to be a real person to so desperately just try and fit in with everyone else who seems so normal
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Playing at being normal, playing at being an actual thinking feeling person when in reality I'm just an awful mess barely capable of much at all. The world always seems like it's miles apart, this thing I'm never really a part of in any tangible way.
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Tired and miserable. Holidays shouldn't exist for people who just can't handle being on their own and need to be around people so they don't crash out constantly
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Lots of anxiety has come flooding back again, a lot of fear and a lot of worry, I tend to be on the edge of panicking most times if I'm not actively just distracting myself in whatever way works, trying to just get work done but it's been slow
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