10 rules of biscuits: 1. When opening a packet, any broken biscuits must be consumed immediately. 2. Never dunk a biscuit for too long, you will ruin both your biscuit and your tea. Double sadness. 3. Always offer biscuits to guests, even if they claim they're not interested (they're probably fibbing). 4. Don't be the person who snatches the last biscuit of a kind unless you're prepared to face the consequences - i.e. a new enemy. 5. Always offer a hot drink with biscuits, obviously. 6. Bring out a posh selection of biscuits (metal tin, two layers separated by a sheet of springy purple cardboard, usually called a “collection”) for special occasions. 7. Always pretend you haven’t seen a plate of biscuits being passed around until they’re offered to you, then act pleasantly surprised. 8. Utilise the phrases “I really mustn’t”, “ooh, go on then” and “if you’re having one”. 9. Wrap biscuits up when not in use, either by pushing the open packet up against a wall, or by using a jar, tin or box. 10. Always have more biscuits in stock than you think you need. Never run out. Running out of biscuits is like running out of air: not ideal. There are many more rules, but these 10 provide a good starting point.