Hi folks, this is my Conan set from last night. I’m proud of it and I hope you like it. youtube.com/watch?v=2rrbVY54…

Wow the entire C-Suite of CVS is now locked behind plexiglass

The thing I like about having Twitter, Bluesky, and Threads is how much I hate myself by the third time I hit “post”

Sorry but if the economy is tanking and the country is in a dystopian capitalist death spiral then why is pretend money more valuable than ever??

Me: It’s a three-day trip. No need to pack much. My Wife:

I get the symbolism of choosing those words for the bullet casings but a smarter killer would have gone with “IT” “WASN’T” “ME”

These genocide reveal parties are getting out of hand

CEO of Blue Cross started carrying around his Blue Shield

New York is back baby! Mayor Adams for life. Turkish embassies on every corner. Let's fucking go!

1. Murder is bad. 2. People who get multimillion-dollar bonuses for sitting atop billion-dollar empires that inflate healthcare costs and deny medically necessary procedures should still live in constant fear of it.

Ok I’m officially done with Twitter now that the new ToS says Brooklyn dads can’t be defiant.

Haven’t been following the muppet guy drama. I’m not into Gonzo journalism.

Yes Biden pardoned his son but don't worry, he's an old school dad. He's gonna make Hunter sit on the board of a whole carton of Ukrainian energy companies.

Vaccines are dangerous? My man you ran for president as a Kennedy. That has a 100% fatality rate.

The most valuable contribution of HR departments is letting us know a TikTok trend is dead by doing it as a group

Little tip for anyone trying to get laid. Hang out by the courthouse in a Lincoln so people think you may be the famed Lincoln Lawyer and if someone approaches you and says, “hey, are you that famed Lincoln Lawer?” you say, “wanna fuck?”