No worries, didn't really fancy going to work today anyway @SW_Help.

#WATERLOO. COULDN'T GET THERE IF I WANTED TO. 🎵

Scheduling tweets: the one thing you're worse at than scheduling trains @SW_Trains. xitter.cf/sw_trains/status/89734…

#HEATWAVE Expectation: beer garden Reality:

How about just turning the fucking air con on? xitter.cf/sw_trains/status/87755…

While I'll admit I'm the first to moan about #swtrains delays, please do show some compassion for those who've lost their lives today.

UPDATE: We've taken the #tubestrike as a chance to give our staff a lie-in too. Expect disruption across all lines.

No worries @SW_Trains, I didn't really fancy being on time anyway.

We apologise for the delays due to unexpected weather conditions* *We've cancelled your trains and sent the team off for beers in the sun

U ok @SW_Trains? 30 degrees and the heating is on?

To do list: -Deploy trains -Look at pictures of cats -Catch Pikachu -Forget to deploy trains -Give up and grab a beer

If @carlsberg did train journeys...

UPDATE: normal service has resumed.

I think you've misunderstood how this whole thing works @SW_Trains

DELAYED: due to strange wet thing falling from the sky, we've had to cancel your train while we identify the cause.

When you realise this is every summer on @SW_Trains for the rest of your working life #helpme

Note to self: bring a fucking Serbian goose feathered parka for the next train journey. About to get frost bite.