The Santa Clause

So, remember, kids, there is nothing more painful than third degree burns.

We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liquor, played with my shotguns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women...

Wait. Judy was the name of the waitress at the restaurant last night. Some waitress gave you pajamas?

And not over any oceans, Scott. Scott. Scott! SANTA!

You know Neil’s a really good cook. Yeah and you should see him walk on water.

Plain milk's fine. 😔

Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic. It almost killed me. But, the guy at the emergency room said that eventually the swelling will go down. I hope.

Actually, we're gonna be with Neal's family. Ah, Christmas at the pound!

But this is a dream. I mean, this is fabulous. Is that a polar bear directin' traffic down there?

Excuse me. Are we on a coffee break? We don't drink coffee. THEN I GUESS THE BREAK IS OVER!

That is exactly why you want a high-quality fire extinguisher right in the kitchen.

Christmas came... no Weenie Whistle.

Well, he could be listening to records jumping up and down on his bed wearing a red hat and galloshes. I don't care what Neil's doing. Where's Charlie?

Reindeer up on the roof... Santa suit laying on the ground... Guy fell... not my fault... Reindeer on the roof... THAT is hard to explain...

He's making a list... Checkin' it twice! Gonna find out who's naughty or nice! *groans*

Look, I am lactose intolerant! And I'm just about *this* close to taking all those presents back up the chimney... *you're supposed to drink the milk*

I ran real late today. You wouldn't BELIEVE the traffic out here. Hey, same to you! And that's not very ladylike!

Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.

The Rose Suchak Ladder Company! Out by the roof there's a Rose Suchak ladder. Just like the poem!

Laura... He's sucking us into his delusions.