I just want a better life than my kids

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary (Actually I don't 😬)

Rich or poor, it’s best to have money

Calling Reels the "new Big Tobacco" gives Zuck far too much credit. Big Tobacco engineered deadly chemical addictions; Zuck just convinced you that you need a $40 magnetic water bottle at 1:00 AM.

I just want a better life than my kids

You never know which boner will be your last. Hope this helps!

Finally, a $200 vessel that can send a Bluetooth alert to remind a grown adult to drink liquid. What a time to be alive.

Listening to him promise a future where robots handle all elderly care makes you realize tech founders aren't trying to save the world, they're just desperately trying to avoid paying for a nursing home.

Compare her to your ex. Bitches love knowing how they compare.

Whatever happened to all the fun in the world?

LOL @ people in Connecticut

Nominations to assist with research for my next book, "Places to Live That Suck the Life Out of You"?

You never know which boner will be your last

Girl are you an angel cuz I don't believe in you

Cause I'm going forwards and looking backwards open.spotify.com/track/0vcjl… @bigwreckmusic

"I’m not like most women" - Most women

It's like some days the Spotify DJ (can you guys PLEASE offer another voice?) really gets me and some days not so much, today is pretty decent