H.B.N.S (HUNGRY BOYS NEVER SATISFIED)

Before I got married, I asked my parents what actually makes a marriage last. And the more pregnant I get, the more I realize just how critical the man you marry really is. My parents have been married 50+ years. Here's what they told me... 1. Make your own money. Marry someone funny. My dad always said this. Life is hard. Really hard. My parents still make each other laugh 50+ years later. Find someone who can make you smile even when life isn’t giving you much to smile about. 2. But is he kind? I’d tell my mom all the accolades of my potential gents. Successful, handsome, smart, ambitious. She’d only ever respond, “But is he kind to you?” Good reminder. 3. Find a man, not a boy. My dad can hunt, cook, fix anything, ride horses, motorcycles, redo an engine and play dang near any sport. He always told me to look for a man, not a boy. Men do manly things. 4. Protectors before providers. Success is great. Money is great. But when someone breaks into your house, does he stand in front of you or behind you? 5. Look at his circle. His friends are a reflection of him. Maybe that’s why my husband’s friends would be some of my first calls in a moment of crisis. 6. Porching it. My parents had this idea. Imagine the two of you decades from now, sitting on a porch. No phones. No entertainment but each other’s conversation. Are you happy? Because eventually that’s what marriage looks like. Better like the person sitting next to you. 7. You’re his first. He’s yours too. Above your parents, friends. Even your kids. Choose your husband first. My parents always made it clear that they were a team before anything else. Kids grow up but the marriage stays. 8. Watch the little things. Does he open doors? Shake hands with your parents? Look them in the eye? Pick you up on time? Keep his word? Small respects compound. How someone does the little things is often how they’ll do the big ones. 9. Be best friends. My parents are. They tell each other everything. They genuinely like spending time together. Somewhere along the way people started acting like your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend. Why the hell not? 10. Secrets are cancer. Don’t keep them. Little lies become big ones. And as my dad always says, “The truth is always easier to remember anyway.” 11. Respect him. My parents always believed men want respect more than women often realize. Don’t belittle him. Don’t nag him. Being strong yourself doesn’t mean you have to compete with your husband. And ultimately, do you. I don’t know if these rules are universal. I just know what I’ve seen. My mom and dad. Both sets of grandparents. My aunts and uncles. No divorces. Just decades of choosing each other, over and over again. I guess I didn’t realize growing up how rare that was. And now, as I’m about to become a mom myself, I realize something else. The person you marry isn’t just the person you build a life with. They’re the person you build your family with. And I can’t think of many decisions that matter more.