Well … first things first. I’m sorry. Regardless of the circumstances, simply vanishing off this network in January 2024 would have deeply disappointed a lot of you. I can only apologise, and off the back of that I honestly don’t blame any of you for thinking the worst. If you kept on following me on Facebook, you would know that I had what I can only describe as a full-on breakdown. I should have tackled it head-on at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. For what it’s worth, the most accurate (in my view) article about everything that happened is bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c77l… (mainly because it took Essex Live ELEVEN MONTHS to update their own viral article with my version of events). I also covered everything in detail with @PaulMaleary in a video at youtu.be/wnXYOH7e_QM?si=GQ5N… I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t a thousand other versions of what happened out there, including me having to flee the UK to Thailand as it was all a government psyop conspiracy, man. Feel free to believe whatever you want to believe, but I’m back to reassure you all that I’m still in South Essex, not South f*****g Bangkok. Impersonation on here was becoming an issue as well, so I know - I’m a hypocrite for restarting on X after slating it left, right and centre. Nobody’s perfect. Like I said, believe what you want to believe. All I’ll add is that I’m not typing this on a mobile that I’ve smuggled up my chocolate starfish into Wormwood Scrubs. That’s not to say that I haven’t made mistakes though. No illusions about that. Some of my antics on this network were utterly cringeworthy. What’s done is done. I’ve waffled enough now. Nobody likes a self-indulgent ramble and enough of you hate me as it is. Again, I don’t blame anyone for taking a dim view all things considered, but at least I haven’t deactivated (and I don’t mean in the social media sense), which was clearly the goal for a very small but dedicated group of people. Much love to you all, lovers and haters regardless xxx

Why hasn’t anyone figured out a way to convert British poppy rage energy into electricity yet? All you’d need is an agreed daily rota of TV presenters not wearing one and we’d solve our energy issues in a heartbeat.

How times have changed as an Arsenal fan. A few years ago, for Bayern V Arsenal in Germany I would have been over the moon by only losing 4-0. Now, I’m disappointed with a draw.

Thanks for your support as I pass 10k followers! Seeing that for one reason or another over the last couple of years there’s been a constant online appetite for me to just fuck off and never be heard from again, I’m truly grateful for your kindness and warmth.

Here’s your cut out and keep graphic to use to reply to anyone wanging off online about ‘the right way to wear a poppy.’ I mean it’s only directly from the Royal British Legion who organise like the whole Poppy thing, but whatever …

BREAKING: Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse spotted galloping towards the UK after BBC announces this week’s Question Time lineup with Green Party MP Ellie Chowns but no Reform UK representative on the panel.

BREAKING: Reform UK reports ITV and their undercover journalists to Operation Vanguard.

Shut up and take my money.

No matter what your politics, spitting on the statue of the late MP Sir David Amess in Chalkwell, Essex, and then giving it the finger and filming it all is utterly disgusting behaviour. I would hope that Essex Police reviews the footage from ‘Angry Jesus’ and acts accordingly.

An even funnier use for Reform’s free post address …

I’m seeing conflicting weather forecasts for Storm Austen but one thing I do know is that it will be stone cold.

Reform are making a huge song and dance about ITV breaking electoral law today. Perhaps it might have something to do with this coming out today, confirming that Reform have … wait for it … broken electoral law.

“Why isn’t she wearing a poppy? That fake poppy is an insult to proper poppies. Look it’s on the wrong side. That’s not the right way to wear a poppy!” Poppies commemorate the lives of those who died fighting fascism, and you’re dictating to people what they can and can’t wear?

I love how the iconic Annual Outrage Calendar has been updated for 2026.

DISGUSTING We’ll Galaxy you’ve lost my custom this Christmas as I WILL NOT buy my kids an advent calendar with ARABIC NUMERALS on it last time I looked this is a Christian country and also they would never ever ever put Christian numerals on a Ramadan calendar 😡😡😡

Legendary exchange …

I’ve decided to try and post more cultured, high brow content on here instead of just bashing Reform all the time, so here’s a modern art piece sent in by follower Mark. He has called his work, ‘8 Pages, 8 Envelopes.’

I wonder why this Reform Facebook account deleted this post …