I love riding the cable car so much every time I’m in the city

If New York pizza is better cause of the tap water then New York City gotta be heaven for cannibals

Am I a youthful fling or an old flame

Just got a Lego animated ad with a child narration that opened with “Jews don’t control the world” and proceeded to go on for a while about how the nephilim are real and their bloodline controls everything

The pitch? A hostel that customers can’t hang themselves in.

Rock paper scissors against lesbians is so easy

Rejoining the IDF to blow off some steam

[pausing my performative Jamaican accent] he’s dead? My son? [the grief overpowers me] mi did know dem fass car woulda kill him one day

Hey buddy I just made a movie it’s super good. Everyone’s talking about it. We’re screening it in a cave in the mountains 3000 miles from you. Don’t worry if you can’t make it. We’ll be screening it on an arctic glacier next month. You can’t miss it.

How many pedos do you think this dirtbag is covering for? Maybe it wasn’t just the constant hate-posting on Twitter that got his children taken away from him.

RAHHHH! [pauses, withdraws my slime] Oh hey man. Good to see you. Welcome to my enclosure. I’m the dominant force here, haha. Nobody can defeat me in battle. [slimes humbly] Hey did you bring any food? DoorDash banned me and I’m broke.

This is how she treats women. This is how much she cares about protecting women. Maia is an aggressive, hostile invader, that throws everyone under the bus for attention and cares for no one and certainly doesn’t dedicate any thought or care towards women.

We smoking straight alligator zoo enclosure

I had a dream I owned a very small TARDIS that I’d have to squeeze into and after taking it to get Mexican food I got fat and climbed in and got stuck and couldn’t breathe and it delivered my asphyxiated body to some confused aliens