Dating industry consultant+ dating & relationship coach @Dateworking. Steward of social and technological ecologies. Host of 12hr friendship hikes.
West Philly & NYC
Joined May 2009
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After 15 years of online dating — as a power user, coach, consultant, matchmaker, product designer, whistleblower, and event/podcast/show host — I've spent this year writing up my key tips, takeaways, and rants. Enjoy:
How to Navigate Dating in 2025 stevedean.substack.com/p/how…
Why You're Not Getting Matches on Dating Apps stevedean.substack.com/p/rea…
What Dating Apps Should Do Differently stevedean.substack.com/p/wha…
Dating in the Age of AI stevedean.substack.com/p/dat…
Dating App Profile Text — Everything You Need to Know
stevedean.substack.com/p/dat…
Dating App Messaging — Everything You Need to Know
stevedean.substack.com/p/dat…
Dating App Photos — Everything You Need to Know stevedean.substack.com/p/dat…
How to Design Dates That Don't Suck (Part 1) stevedean.substack.com/p/how…
Stop Accidentally Suggesting Dates that Suck (Part 2) stevedean.substack.com/p/sto…
How to Proffer Dates That Don't Suck (Part 3) stevedean.substack.com/p/how…
I’ve now seen over 500,000 dating profiles across over 300 different dating apps. Every day I see the same mistakes from both clients and friends. Here are my best tips and practical considerations:
open.substack.com/pub/steved…
it's happening now!
.@StevenMDean is hosting a Reddit AMA at 3 p.m., answering your questions about dating!
🔗Checkout the AMA: wapo.st/4gQOySP
🔗See our comic about Steve: wapo.st/4dtbgxv
Steve Dean retweeted
.@StevenMDean is online dating consultant.
See his unexpected advice in this comic by Beatrix Lockwood and Maya Scarpa (@mayabluecheck) 🎨: wapo.st/3TpgGmf
or b) we’ll be stuck trying to exasperatedly suss out compatibility downstream — in our messages and on our dates — precisely when it’s the most tedious, frustrating, and costly.
Remember, every relevant compatibility metric that we fail to include upfront means that either a) someone won’t feel confident enough that we’re a good fit, and will skip right over us,
If a dating app has 50,000 users, but you only want to go on dates with maybe ~5–10 total people before finding one you really click with, then your profile needs to weed out up to 49,990 out of those 50,000 users.
On dating apps, low-compatibility matches are like weeds in your garden — they take up attentional space that you could be using to cultivate more meaningful connections.
Some people mistakenly believe that for online dating, they must look as generically attractive as possible in order to get matches. However, getting “more matches” is useless if your matches aren’t people you’d ever want to meet in the first place!
I’ve now seen over 500,000 dating profiles across over 300 different dating apps. Every day I see the same mistakes from both clients and friends. Here are my best tips and practical considerations:
Steve Dean retweeted
The secret to a great dating profile might not be what you think.
The latest comic by Beatrix Lockwood and Maya Scarpa (@mayabluecheck) features @StevenMDean, an online dating consultant 🎨: wapo.st/3MJlNK0
Steve Dean retweeted
What @StevenMDean, an online dating consultant has learned about love.
The latest comic by Beatrix Lockwood and Maya Scarpa (@mayabluecheck) 🎨: wapo.st/4e0LZvG
My response to a friend's question, "How do I share my more selfish or sexual intentions with someone, especially if I fear the other person wouldn’t share them?"
stevedean.substack.com/p/adv…
Steve Dean retweeted
My life's mission summed up well: "At critical moments in time, you can raise the aspirations of other people significantly, especially when they are relatively young, simply by suggesting they do something better or more ambitious than what they might have in mind."