ahaha dude! I'm going to do my best to make a few games before november (small games, very small games) and then try to get into a game jam at the end of the year, so making things like that would be great practice!

If you want to learn a little about me, I've been going through a lot in my mind lately. So without giving disgusting details, I was abused by one family member (male teenager at the time) on my dads side for about 3 years of my childhood from about the ages of 4-7. That person was all sexual abuse. But I swear to God during that time, I was seeing demons and spirits and just crazy shit. Because now that I'm older I believe I was being attacked by terrible things, not just the humans that were actively destroying my innocence. Then my uncle, my moms little brother, about 6 years older than me, started abusing me from about ages 6 to about 13 years old. That person was sexual abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, fear instillation. That person had me watch gore videos, porn videos, would shoot bb guns in my direction, (and not when we were playing airsoft, real metal bb's) all sorts of shit. I swear to you, if God didn't intervene, I would have turned into a monster, not in the same way they did to me, but in a violent hatred angry way. I was beginning to lose feelings on everything. I didn't care. I would black out during my teenage years from the emotions/anger that I felt when I realized what happened to me. I did lots of drugs to block it out. I don't do those drugs anymore. But when I expressed myself, I'm looked at like I'm fucking crazy for going through that. That what I went through was all in my head. My other uncle, my moms other brother, recently said not too long ago, that I just need to forgive and move forward. because they have holidays together and my abuser is there, around HIS FUCKING KIDS!!! Like if someone did that to his fucking kids, he'd be going crazy. I would literally do things I can't speak of here if something like that happened to my kids. I think about it too, like damn, my kids are that age when It started and when I was going through it. My childhood was ripped from me, destroyed, and now I see the world for what it really is. The last thing my uncle did to me was when I was 13 or 14. He took me back to my house since my mom was at my grandparents (his parents) down the road from our house. He started having me play a game, and whoever lost had to drink a shit ton of dawn soap with water. And guess what, I lost, drink it. Because I feared he was going to do something to me if I didn't. Then he took me to the restroom, in the dark, was standing behind me. I felt like something was about to happen. Then after like 3 minutes of waiting, he starts talking and then we leave. In my soul, I feel like he was going to kill me to rid the evidence in my mind of the terrible things he did to me. That's what I feel as I've grown up and think about it. It's just disgusting and depressing the type of shit that I've went through. And that's just what happened with me with that. Dad was an alcoholic, mom worked to provide, I was alone all the time. and the people that they were entrusting to take care of me, were actually not. They allowed their grandson(my dads sisters grandson) and their son (my moms mom) to do terrible things to me that just destroyed me as a child. I want to be free from this emotional pain/baggage. I want to be free from the replaying in my mind. I want to be free and heard. I want to be believed for the terrible things that happened to me. But I'm brushed off like it's my fucking fault. That shit drives me absolutely mad. How do I change this? How do I feel better? How do I let go? I can't, I'm still fucking angry. I've been through hell and back. I just want to live comfortable and normal. I know there isn't no such thing as normal, but I want to live without all of that shit in my head and remembering constantly. But one thing I've learned from all of this, is that it's made me a protector of my children and family. That I would go to hell and back for my family, because no one else did for me. I had to make myself better, I had to make myself positive, I had to force myself to be this man, so I didn't turn into a monster. I have PTSD, I'm always on alert, I wake up to do perimeter checks, I cry thinking about my children. And now this is a built up stress, since I bottle that shit in. I'm worried I'll have a fucking stroke due to how much this shit bothers me. Anyways, I know I'm all over the place, but I just don't know how to fully express this anger, this depression, this hurt, this sadness, this feeling of not getting justice. I WANT FUCKING JUSTICE! but I guess I'll never get that. And I just want to be believed. I tried exposing those two people, and my grandma was crying for me to take down the post, my uncle was saying none of that happened because a lawyer told him to state that on my post. I tried going to police, but I'm a grown man now, they look at me like I'm fucking stupid, because I waited so long. But it's because I live in constant fucking fear that this person is just gonna show up and kill me and my family for saying the truth. I've lived in fear my whole fucking life. MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!! So when I finally have the courage to say something, I'm put down, I'm thought of as weak for saying the terrible things that happened to me because I'm a man. FUCK EVERYONE that looked down on me.

I know this won’t reach on a Sunday, but… We’re about to go live! I’m a father of 3, college student, full time worker, and a streamer. I do a mix of things and enjoy chatting with others and hopefully bringing a positive vibe for all! Twitch.tv/theframplay