I think AA should also have a roadside assist program.

Sometimes I suspect that my coworkers and I are merely subjects in a longitudinal study on the effects of strange and experimental new kinds of toilet paper.

I’m watching the Star Trek episode where they pick up a bunch of musical space hippies, and all the songs they sing are like way better than anything Bob Dylan ever wrote.

I just cut my finger on a noodle.

I’ve never met a smart person who uses the word “juxtaposition”

Congratulations to the break room sponge which is coming up on its first anniversary!

It's nice that when Janet Yellin resigns, she will be able to spend more time voicing nerd characters for The Simpsons.

thank you, I needed that

I have the most unbelievable cat, everyone tells me he's just fantastic

Thinking specifically of Boulevardia here but conference apps are the worst.

I'm not interested in any event that has its own app.

9/11 must be like Christmas for StoryCorps

"I'm not just a candidate for president, I'm also a client." --Rand Paul

Little known fact: the guy who played saxophone on "Baker Street" died recently of prolonged exposure to pussy.

How many "A"s in KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN? I'm working on a terribly original tweet here.

@emilycatherine @chris_gilmore today someone told me they were "tired of this winter." This winter has been nothing.

Did Kenny Loggins cut his teeth in the hard scrabble bar band scene of Alhambra or did he just emerge fully formed?

An upside of not having kids is never needing to utter the word "jammies"