my boss asked me to treat the company like family. so i started showing up late, eating all the food, and asking for money whenever i needed it. apparently that's not what he meant.

nobody talks about how embarrassing it feels to have big dreams and absolutely no money. people keep asking what you're waiting for like ambition pays the fucking rent.

i don't wanna be rich enough to impress strangers. i wanna be rich enough to tell my parents they can stop worrying about bills and actually enjoy the rest of their lives.

it's funny how we're told to enjoy our youth while spending most of it working jobs we hate to afford apartments we barely get to sit in. what a beautiful fucking system.

i met a guy who said money can't buy happiness. he owned three houses and drove a brand new car. i didn't argue with him. some opinions come with really comfortable seats.

i don't think people understand how exhausting it is to be broke for a long time. it's not just having no money. it's having to think about money every fucking minute.

there's something really intimate about someone remembering how you take your coffee, noticing when you're unusually quiet, and never making you feel stupid for needing reassurance.

the older i get, the more attractive consistency becomes. you don't need to text me every five minutes. just don't make me feel like i'm dating a fucking weather forecast.

you ever meet someone who's so good at flirting that you start wondering how many other people are getting the exact same performance? like damn, is this a conversation or a world tour?

i think the most dangerous kind of attraction is when someone makes you laugh, makes you feel understood, and looks good enough to ruin your fucking judgment.

being someone's favorite person is cute until you realize you're also their therapist, emotional support system, and personal entertainment and somehow none of that comes with benefits.

i don't understand people who can have amazing sex and then act like they barely know each other. bro, we were just sharing our entire existence and now you're texting me like customer support.

some people can make you forget every red flag with one really good kiss. then they open their mouth to talk and suddenly you remember all of them.

the worst part about being attracted to someone who's clearly bad for you is knowing exactly how stupid you're being and still wanting to kiss them.

i don't understand how people wake up and immediately start being productive. i need at least 45 minutes to accept the fact that i'm alive again.

i saw someone running at 5am this morning. no headphones, no dog, nobody chasing them. just running for fun. some people genuinely scare the shit out of me.

someone needs to explain why a five-minute nap can ruin your entire sleep schedule but eight hours of sleep somehow still leaves you tired as fuck.

i think my biggest talent is convincing myself that buying one more thing will fix my entire life. it never does. anyway, my package arrives tomorrow.

imagine being a ghost and trying to haunt someone but they keep blaming everything on bad wiring. you're throwing chairs, flickering lights, screaming in hallways and this motherfucker calls an electrician.

my bank sent me a notification saying “we noticed unusual activity on your account.” yeah, me too. there's money in it.