Letterman · Jan 31, 2018 · 3:09 AM UTC

Donald Trump has said he will end the Green Card lottery. If only he could end the Presidential lottery he was lucky enough to win. #StateofOurUnion

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David Letterman · Sep 8, 2017 · 12:46 PM UTC

Letterman retweeted

What the Rich Won't Tell You. Ill swap your Fonzie for a one time only, never to be seen again, Ponzi.

Letterman · Jun 17, 2017 · 9:55 AM UTC

Letterman · Mar 2, 2017 · 10:23 AM UTC

#TrumpRussia Try the Spy before you Buy

Letterman · Feb 11, 2017 · 10:10 AM UTC

Letterman · Jan 29, 2017 · 8:35 AM UTC

Refugees and Visas - A Cocktail by Trump 1 Part Tequila poured in a high wall glass 1 Part Arack 90 days late 4 Parts Soda Served Great

Letterman · Nov 9, 2016 · 8:04 AM UTC

Letterman · Sep 27, 2016 · 2:06 AM UTC

#debatenight Law&Order-Trump&Frisk Economy-Gold Plate LeGaurdia Global Warming-Give China free AirCon ISIS-Hillary's Problem #ProblemsSolved

Letterman · Sep 16, 2016 · 5:24 PM UTC

To get to the front of the new Iphone release line I just ask the person in front to hold my exploding Galaxy Note7 while I lace up my shoes

Letterman · Sep 14, 2016 · 3:28 PM UTC

Whenever Colin Powell is throwing tantrums at the Hampton's you always know Hillary's Emails have been served cold.

Letterman · Jul 22, 2016 · 4:03 AM UTC

Donald Trump is set to release the app - TrumpemonGo Using the phone camera you just roam around and throw TrumpBalls at things to fix them.

David Letterman · Mar 10, 2016 · 2:38 PM UTC

Letterman retweeted

David Letterman · Mar 3, 2016 · 12:45 PM UTC

Letterman retweeted

#BadJobIn5Words Robbing Peter to pay Don.

Letterman · Aug 18, 2015 · 11:59 PM UTC

The best thing about hackers releasing the Ashley Madison files is we can finally find out where Tiger hides his cash.

Letterman · Jul 1, 2015 · 10:46 AM UTC

I like the night life Baby, She says Let's Go. #LateShow

Letterman · May 21, 2015 · 11:38 AM UTC

So far, retirement has been great. The SelfieStick from Tom Hanks is now my back scratcher and doubles as a device to slip my shoes on with.

Letterman · May 20, 2015 · 10:18 PM UTC

When Paul starts talking about a Celebrity Big Brother appearance you definitely know its your Last Late Show.

David Letterman · May 20, 2015 · 10:05 PM UTC

Letterman retweeted

The secret to my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as fast as I could. #GoodByeDave

Letterman · May 17, 2015 · 7:30 AM UTC

People ask me what I'm going to call my autobiography? I tell them 'How to be a Late Show Host for Dummies' will be hitting the shelves soon

David Letterman · May 12, 2015 · 1:47 PM UTC

Letterman retweeted

People ask me what I'm going to do in retirement. I tell them I'll finally get around to recycling all those Top Ten cards.