I am a counsellor who specialises in shame, trauma, abuse, panic, anxiety, depression. Am a single parent & survivor of sexual/domestic violence. Peace out.
Loughborough, England
Joined January 2016
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Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Can you help?
BREAKING: Greater Manchester Police have released a new image of missing teenager Lilia, who disappeared from her home in Bolton on 11 September.
The 13-year-old was last seen at Manchester Piccadilly bus station shortly after 10:30am on 14 September.
trib.al/7NS0cf0
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Oh cracker I’m sobbing. What with Zoe calling out for her mam in need. That ginger ferret leaving her to die, Kat’s reaction is heartbreaking. THEY ONLY JUST FOUND EACH OTHER:(💔
#Eastenders
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Imagine bringing back a character after 20 years to have her go on for months about needing to find her son, looking for mini Mo and saying someone’s out to get her
Just to kill her off a year later by…….. tripping over some bin bags & bumping her head💀
#EastEnders
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Abusers wear masks. To the outside world, they seem charming and generous. Behind closed doors, they’re a different person entirely.
#HiddenAbuse #DomesticAbuseAwareness
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
This is all so tragically predictable 💔Every single bit, and I hate humanity (though such little of that exists, I’m unsure we can even call ourselves that).
Hope everyone enjoyed their ‘likes’ & ‘shares’.
Here’s what will happen next:
- There will be an inquiry into Jason Arday’s death
- He will be posthumously exonerated of many of the accusations he faced
- Online mobs will continue ridicule, ‘expose’, & scrutinise, refusing to learn anything from this tragedy as it threatens their hero narrative
RIP Jason Arday. I hope so much that your family & loved ones are being well supported 💔
Why isn't anyone talking about the loss of food vouchers in yhe holiday for parents who receive #freeschoolmeals?
#col
#parenting
#foodpoverty
I asked @leicspolice via a SAR for details of a crime that happened to me in 1987.
They had no record of this crime. Nothing.
Why?
This was a crime of sexual violence, is that why it was not considered important to record?
#sexualviolence #crime #police
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
One of the most frustrating things I’ve discovered since becoming a campaigner is how little understanding there still is around child development, brain development, and the importance of children growing up in safe, sensible, supportive environments.
There is so much criticism aimed at children and their behaviour. But far too often, that criticism is pointed in the wrong direction.
When children are struggling, acting out, or behaving in ways adults find difficult, we need to be asking: what is happening around them? What are they being exposed to? What support are they missing? What responsibilities have the adults, politicians, authorities, and systems failed to meet?
Because from where I’m sitting, children are being failed, and then blamed for the consequences.
Of course, I believe poor behaviour from a child must be dealt with, managed, and come with consequences. But it should also be about understanding and addressing the root cause of that child’s behaviour, so we can actually help children do better in the future and avoid repeated patterns of poor behaviour.
Given the world we live in today, with children overexposed to so much, adults have to accept some responsibility.
I hear adults complain all the time about children “misbehaving.” What I don’t hear nearly enough is adults saying: “What can we do better to help children feel safe, supported, and able to behave better?”
I take my responsibilities as an adult seriously. Knowing what I know, I cannot stay quiet about this.
Children need guidance, protection, patience, boundaries, and understanding - not constant criticism from the very adults who should be helping them.
Do better, people.
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
I spoke to @LBCNews today about the importance of holding perps to account for domestic abuse related suicides following the conviction of Lee Milne in Scotland.
There's been lots of progress made, but too many families are left waiting for justice.
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Abusers don’t co-parent, they counter-parent. Even worse, they target the very thing that is most precious to you, your bond with your child.
These are some of the ways they do it:
They speak negatively about you to shape how your child sees you.
They promise a “better” life or new family to pull your child closer to them.
They involve your child in custody issues and make them feel responsible for conflict.
They create coalitions by positioning your child on their side.
They buy affection through gifts, trips, and rewards to compete with your bond.
They use emotional blackmail by threatening to say harmful things about you.
They make threats to force agreement on parenting decisions that suit them.
They encourage secrecy and ask your child to keep things from you.
They show disapproval when your child expresses positive feelings about you.
They distort memories and rewrite events to influence how your child understands you.
They undermine you by ignoring your boundaries or rewarding your child for going against you.
Out of everything an abuser does, this is the cruelest, and it cuts the deepest.
There is a particular kind of pain in watching someone interfere with your bond with your child, using them as a tool for control and revenge, and deeply harming them and you in the process.
It is violating, it is relentless, and it goes against every instinct you have as a parent to protect, nurture, and stay connected.
It forces you to stand in the middle of something you never should have had to fight for, your place in your child’s life.
I have found healing around what was done to me, and I have rebuilt parts of myself I once lost, but I will always carry a deep and lasting outrage for what he chose to do, and continues to do, to my child.
#CoerciveControl #PostSeparationAbuse
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
The Naked Bike Ride is due to arrive in the UK very soon. I’ve spent the past year challenging this event because my safeguarding concerns have not been taken seriously by the organisers, the City Police, MET Police or by the Mayor of London, despite these issues being raised repeatedly. If this prompts more people to look into the concerns I’ve highlighted and support my petition, it only strengthens the call for accountability.
Thank you to everyone who has stood with me. I see you ->>> change.org/p/the-naked-bike-…
@MayorofLondon @CityPolice @metpoliceuk
My #therapist agreed with me when I spoke about the sexual violence I experienced, especially when I said it was my fault because I had been walking home at 1am from a party.
My #boyfriend had been too drunk to walk with me.
#shame #rape #therapy
When potential clients use therapist Facebook groups instead of booking in with a therapist!
Gaaaah!
Stop it!
#therapy #facebookgroups #clients #dilemmas #thetapistslife #therapywork
Making shoppers pay for returns while online shopping isn't right. The company isn't paying rent for a shop with fixtures and fittings, so don't pass it on to the customer.
😑
#shopping #onlineretailers #customersatisfaction #returningclothes #customerisright
I feel desperate. My children continue to be neglected by their father on fortnightly visits. He lacks the ability to parent. When they return, they are disregulated and exhausted.
They don't sleep or eat properly. SS has tried to intervene with no positive results.
My kids' school doesn't answer the phone anymore! They just leave it to ring out......!
#blocking #notcommunicating #badschool
Victoria TelferSmith she/her retweeted
Dafuq did I just read?
‘Chemical castration’ of sex offenders being rolled out across 20 prisons??
The ‘chemicals’ are SSRIs and Androgen blockers?
This will not work, has never worked, and misses several vital points:
1. Plenty of abusers and offenders already take SSRIs and they didn’t affect their offending whatsoever
2. Sex offences are NOT a crime of desire, libido or passion, they are a crime of violence and power - so chemical castration will likely fail anyway as it doesn’t address power or violence
🚨 NEW: Sex offenders will face mandatory chemical castration under plans by the Government
Justice Secretary Shabhana Mahmood will initially launch the voluntary scheme in prisons across the country
[@JackElsom]